A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been having my husband pretend to have sex with someone else (and me sometimes) when we are together because he moves differently and it feels better. I get excited during the sex but after feel like I am not enough for him and in addition I fantasize about being with a woman in the shower while he watches but at a strip club the other night the dancer was rubbing him quite hard and even though she did things to me too I could tell she really enjoyed him and he had a look on his face he never has for me. I have been told I am very good looking and we have pretty wild sex but I am afraid if I keep trying these things - he'll want other women and not me. I guess I just want to know if anyone else has a similar problem. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (14 July 2008):
 You should realize that the "person" you become during the fantasy sex bouts with your husband is really you, too. There's nothing wrong with living out your mutual fantasies to enhance your intimate times together.
Talk about it. Script it, even, if that helps. Set the stage and pretend to be two other people.
There are few things as damaging to a marriage as the loss of sexual interest on the part of one or both partners. That isn't about how attractive the other partner is, it's about how well one FEELS about sex with the other. It doesn't matter if you're the hottest thing since the great volcano, if he's getting bored with it that's not going to help. Adding some spice can keep things lively.
Find things you both want. Play it out. Frankly, this is where some light porn can sometimes come in handy, as it can be a source of a lot of inspiration. Even if you're not in shape for the kind of "swinging from the chandeliers" sex they do there, it can give you some good ideas. But work together to come up with scenes that you think you both might like.
And above all, keep your communications open and honest about this. Always tell one another what works and what doesn't. Let your partner know what you need and what you want, and then figure out ways you can both get it.
A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (14 July 2008):
 Don't know if it was a problem, but I used to do that with my Ex a lot too. She loved it, so did I.
Guess we both enjoyed talking while doing it, and by pretending to be someone else it was encouraging us to talk more.
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