A
male
,
anonymous
writes: I have been talking to a girl for months now and we've built a really good relationship (we talk almost everyday). We have kissed several times and it has been pretty passionate. She has expressed much interest in me. However, the problem is she has a boyfriend, but they have problems (no trust, he cheats, he doesn't like her friends, etc.) that she openly discusses with me. The b/f is leaving town in a few weeks and will be gone for months. The problem is that it's getting very hard for me now b/c she has a b/f. How do I tell her I can't continue to talk with her given the current situation but put myself in a good position with her? I don't want her to think I'm cutting her out of the picture or give her a reason to cut me out b/c when the b/f leaves things may get different.
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (6 August 2006):
You say her boyfriend has "no trust, he cheats, he doesn't like her friends, etc"...she only tells you that he cheats and he has every right not to trust her since she has been kissing you! You seem like a nice fella so don't get your fingers burned with this girl. She has cheated on her boyfriend with you by kissing you and she hasn't dumped him. If you go out, how will you trust her enough to think she isnt complaining about you behind your back and kissing someone else? If you really think it can work give the girl a clear message - dump your boyfriend and date me, or don't contact me. There is obviously chemistry between you two so you can hardly just be mates only. Therefore if she thinks a lot of you then perhaps she will ditch her other man. However, you should give careful consideration as to if you really think this relationship could work out given that she is already cheating on him - is it really worth the heart-ache?
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