A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been divorced for three years and i am very frustrated because i cannot find a boyfriend. It is making me feel depressed and undesireable. i am a very shy person so i do not have many friends and i never go out..that is just my personality. a lot of guys try to talk to me but i am not attracted to any of them. Maybe my expectations are too high but i am looking for a man who is tall fit and well educated. i havre tried eveything even going on eharmony which is not working out for me. i am black but i am not really picky about the race of the guy but i also live in the south where racial integration is not very common. The whole situation is awful i spend all my holidays alone ( i am also foriegn so i have no family). What should i do should i lower my standards or continue waiting?
View related questions:
depressed, divorce, my ex, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Meg5180  +, writes (30 November 2012):
 First I would never lower your standards. Finding the right person is not always easy but so worth it. Try joining a gym or some type of class or activity. Meeting new friends with the same likes as you helps, but it can also lead to a man that has the same likes. Keeping yourself busy is a big part of that. I would say to join a different dating site but they all have pretty much the same database. I met my man on match.com. We were like 85% compatable and we are very happy. Everyone is different and has something to bring to the table. Good luck with your search, but I would get yourself involved in some fun activities for sure. Love will come, when you least expect it!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): "tall fit and well educated."
Well I am looking for a big boobed girl, who is rich and famous. (I'm only kidding) but my point is the same OP.
What about a tall guy who is a fit mechanic but with no real formal education after high school? What about a guy who is the same height as you or maybe an inch shorter who is fit and has a college degree? or maybe a guy with a degree, who is tall but doesn't have an athletic physique?
Or maybe a guy who has none of those qualities but you actually find cute?
OP by far the biggest issue I hear from ladies using internet dating is being too picky about these things. You can see a load of details about them and literally one minor flaw like they're only an inch taller than you and dismiss them.
I have to say though OP, I think you're picky because you're looking for a guy for the wrong reasons. You're looking for a guy as fix to your life. A guy to save you from loneliness and to complete you. Well shit OP, where's the fun in that? What guy wants to date a girl who puts so much pressure on him so soon and what guy stands a chance OP when every minor detail becomes hugely important to you then because you're gauging guys on being "the one". Everything has to perfect in this guy to be even considered because you've given him too high a standard to maintain. This is too important to you OP so it makes sense that guy is going to have be "perfect" your expectations are far too high.
And come on, would you really find the thought that a guy was only dating you because he's sad, lonely and has no one else? Would you really want to be a guys fix? I mean what kind of life has he to share with then? What's appealing about dating a person who wants you to solve their problems?
You're doing this the wrong away around OP. You have to build up your happiness first, you have to get out there be sociable and make some friends. You have to active, happy and content or even wehn you do meet "Mr. Right" he'll have far too much control and power over you.
You need hobbies, activities, you need to make your life fun, make more friends be busy and active, get to a point in your life where dating is just some fun with no expectations, just dating to enjoy dating and seeing what happens.
We're not the answer to your problems OP, we want to be a bonus in your life, not a need. We want to earn being with you, we want to have fun with you. We can't do that with a depressed, lonely woman who expects too much from us.
...............................
A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (30 November 2012):
 If eharmony isn't working out, try another dating site. Maybe you should lower your standards slightly aswell, you never know who you could get talking to. Have you tried singles nights or speed dating? Sounds cliche i know, but if you don't meet a man, then maybe you can meet some new friends to spend time with.
Better yet, you should take up a hobby, join a bookclub, take an art class, learn salsa etc. Great way to meet people and potentially find a nice guy to date aswell.
Have faith, you will find someone if you just be yourself :) Good Luck!
...............................
|
