A
female
age
30-35,
*each-x
writes:The fact is, I've never loved anyone before - but I am most definetly in love now with my amazing boyfriend. He's lived in my street for a few years and from the moment I laid eyes on him I knew I had to be with him. He was gorgeous; tall, dark and handsome - the type of guy every girl wants to be seen with. Because of this, I was too shy to talk to him, he's 5 years older than me and I only used to see him when he sped passed me in his car. Unfortunately, as I learned more about him from others that knew him, I discovered he was a bit of a womaniser so decided to steer clear. However, months later I started doing glass collecting in a bar and on the first night I just saw him standing there. He pointed at me straight away, got my number and before he left, he kissed me - it was amazing - I just couldn't believe my luck that all along he had fancied me too!We started meeting up, but nothing was ever serious to begin with as he'd just come out of a long-term relationship and I accepted that. I saw him every single day - it was so easy to as he lived so close - but was hard because as each day went by, I was falling for him more and more. During these few months, he did go off with a couple of girls when we'd fell out about a girls holiday I had booked to Ayia Napa and he'd headed into town and got absolutely bladdered and ended up getting with another girl. This really broke my heart, but I knew deep down he loved me but was just waiting to get my holiday out of the way because he was so sure I would cheat on him, so, as naive as it sounds, I guess he was just trying to do it first.Finally, all that is over and we are together. I have learned that he can get as insecure as I do and we have a connection that I cannot explain. We spend every minute we can together, share every thought and emotion - he is my best friend and my lover. When I'm with him I feel as though I'm with myself, simply because I'm that comfortable around him and still today he gives me the butterflies I experienced when I first saw him. However, this love business does have a negative side which has been brought to the surface quite recently. I love him so much that I get jealous of every single girl he sees; girls he works with, his friends, his ex, but mostly girls on the internet and especially girls on TV. Ridiculous as it sounds, it's ruining my life and our relationship. He used to make remarks about girls on TV and it really hurt, but after I let him know, he stopped. This still hasn't helped as every time these girls are on TV, I remember what he said about them being so stunning and I break down inside. I am filled with this indescribable feeling and the other night I just burst out crying when one girl happened to be on TV. I feel like he must sit there admiring how amazing they look, imagining having sex with them. Sometimes now when we make love I can't enjoy it as I feel he is wishing I was them. I have reached the point where I'm so paranoid, I think that he plays with himself infront of me - he always seems to adjust himself down there as if he's getting turned on by these women on TV and when I think about it now it sounds so silly and maybe he's just scratching, but when I'm lying there in bed next to him it just seems like he must be. I hate it most when there's naked women with huge breasts on TV as it reminds me of what I haven't got and I know it turns him on. I am depressed most of the time and often look in the mirror and just start crying. He always says, 'don't worry, i'm never going to meet any of these girls in my life'. But the fact that someone on TV can so easily draw his attention away from me, then what if he was in a club without me and saw a girl he thought was just as stunning? What happens then? I know that I have a serious problem. I don't want to lose him but am pushing him away. I used to be so confident. I always made sure I looked nice, making an effort, wearing nice clothes with my long blonde hair and slim figure - when I think I look good, I feel good.. But now I feel there's no point. I feel as if this love is consuming me, I almost feel I love him too much, if that makes sense. I know all these things are part of male nature - men are visual and are easily attracted to other women - but the thought of him even thinking about someone else makes me sick. I realise that it is impossible for a man not to think other women are attractive but my behaviour is seriously damaging what we have, I can't even watch TV with him anymore without cringing that some gorgeous girl might appear on screen. I can't go on like this, please help. Apologies for the essay! Thanks x
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best friend, breasts, depressed, his ex, insecure, jealous, shy, the internet, womaniser Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): An emotional connection is MUCH STRONGER than a physical connection. It is MUCH harder to 'get over' a girl you've connected to on an emotional level.A body is just a body. But the feelings of love are a stronger bond, and that's what you have with him.I do agree he needs a bit more self control, but he only WANTS You, otherwise he'd have left you a LONG time ago.I wouldn't LET myself Go like you are. Take Care of yourself! You will feel much better, and he will continue to admire the girl he Met across the street.(if you can tell stories in a subtle way of how these woman are in Real life, and the problems they have: eating disorders, plastic surgery, expect men to pay for all their needs/wants...that can be a turn off :)
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