A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My mind is in some disarray at present and I am not sure what to do.I have an OK marriage although my wife can be quite cold and unsympathetic at times. I have never been unfaithful or sought to be. We live in a nice house (although with a big mortgage) and we have a young family. I love my children to bits and have lots of fun with them.So far everything sounds OK. The problem is that recently at work they rearranged the seating and I now sit opposite a female colleague. Well we hit it off straight away. She is good looking, intelligent, funny, caring - she is someone from my dreams. I just love being in her company. We talk a lot during the day and I believe that a lot of that is flirting from both sides. We also talk a lot of personal stuff that I wouldn't share with anybody else.Having said that I don't really know how she feels about me. She always gives the impression that her marriage is in a fragile state and she has even asked me about the state of my marriage! However, she may well only see me as a colleague and nothing else. I don't know and am a bit scared to find out.For the first time in my life I just find that I can't wait to get to work - just to see her again.This isn't something that I have been looking for and it has just happened due to a change of seating at work. However, she has really got into my mind and I can't get her out. I just can't stop thinking about her.I am starting to get irritable at home and it is starting to effect my marriage. I can't avoid my colleague and do not know how I can stop myself falling for her. I am not sure what to do. If anyone has a similar experience then I would be interested to hear.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): Hmmmm, sounds very similar to my situation.
Let your wife know how you feel. Good luck and God Bless!
When I say let her know your feelings, I'm not just talking about your feelings for your colleague but also how you feel she is cold and unsympathetic.
A
female
reader, jazmine  +, writes (19 November 2007):
 Listen to these people I caught my husband in an affair, we have been married for 18 years, we just took each other for granted I never told or stopped telling him I much I loved him I thought of him sometimes all day,,I just thought I would sound silly but to my shock I came across textmessages my husband calling another woman Baby hun calling her at early hours in the morning like you would do with someone you were dating early on, I was devastated! My world crashed when I told him I knew he just cried he didnt mean for it to happen but he met this person who promised the world of great sex and he fell for it he said the experience he felt nauseated after what he did, 8 mos later we are still working on it but I have to say I dont look at him anymore with the same feelings I had years before, I feel betrayed the person I loved so much wasnt there for me he just wasnt there I have to told him this I can see his trying to be the husband he was I do love him he kisses me,hugs me as much as possible but my heart feels so cold I pretend to love him back to forgive him but something is lost I am in counselling with my 18 and 14 year old due to all of this . He had the perfect life but he threw it all away..for a piece of ass...Was it worth it! Please take your wife enjoy her...remember the day you married her why you married her....I cant look at my wedding pictures anymore they just dont mean anyting to me but BETRAYAL.... GOD BLESS
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A
female
reader, Georgie2778 +, writes (18 November 2007):
Hi, I would just like to say after reading your question & the replies already posted, take a TIME OUT. People are very quick to judge & dissaprove. Each & every situation is different, difficult and a nightmare for all involved. Take a week off from work, take a week off from home and try to put it all into some perspective. Ask yourself the questions that have been put in the other replies: why did you fall in love with your wife, why did you start a family... The truth is that you can't help falling out of love with someone & in love with someone else. I'm not talking about not having sex as often or having the butterflies when you see your wife, I'm talking about knowing, in your heart, that the love you once shared, has turned only to feelings of friendship and whilst friendship is important in a relationship it is not enough. But just don't jump headfirst into something with your colleague, try to be a little respective to your wife, make a break with her before starting something new. If things with your colleague are going to go somewhere, she will appreciate it as much as your wife. If your colleague is a friend she will support you & be there for you as a friend. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Louisejones +, writes (18 November 2007):
I agree so much with the other 2 answers. Please, read up on your situation on the internet as much as possible... protect your marriage first, before opening up a huge can of worms that may affect the rest of your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): ASK YOURSELF ONE QUESTION: DO YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE? Is there any spark or hope left? Remember all the reasons you fell in love with her and how it felt in the beginning, all gitty and how infatuated you were. We all lose that and for some reason, we all chase that feeling. Marriages evolve into a mutual respectful, grown up love that sometimes gets pretty boring. No one said it wouldn't take effort, right? Put the colleague on hold and put as much effort back into your marriage as you would be putting going out of your way to talk to the colleague. COMMUNICATE TO YOUR WIFE...BE HONEST ABOUT WHAT HAS CHANGED IN YOUR MARRIAGE. Tell her what you need and I am sure she will have lots to tell you...the street is ruuning two ways, you know. I'll bet she is feeling the same, unappreciated feeling that you are...and that is why she is cold and unsympathetic. Now I have a confession:I just divorced my husband of 17 years and two kids for my colleague. Same old story, husband not attentive, I was getting attention and liked it. I am going to be blatenly honest and tell you that if I had to do it all over again, I would have worked harder at saving my marriage. At the time, I thought I did all I could do. But to be honest, the colleague was fun and exciting, overshadowing the "working on the marriage". It is very hard to be divorced with children. Don't let anyone tell you that the kids do not get caught in the middle. They are the ones that suffer. Your wife is the mother of your children. You made these children out of love and have built a nice life together. Do not give up so easily. Also remember what my mom always told me 1) the grass in not necessarily greener and 2) you are just trading in set of problems for a new set. Good luck, when are you getting a babysitter and taking your wife on a date?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): Move seats! I am not kidding, this cannot go on. You have a lovely family at home. You need to get to know your wife better. Spend some time with just her. Have a weekend away with the kids taken care of by the grand parents or relatives. Lavish some time and effort on her. BUT dont go down the path of not knowing what to do next with the girl at work. Please dont make the next move there. If you value your marriage and the vows that went with them you would go out of your way to not take this friendship any further. It is all well and good working alongside someone but then having an affair is a whole different ball game altogether. I know how it feel to be with wife stuck at home with small kids while the husband is having a whale of a time at time. Its not good! I was cheated on three times by my husband and i didnt know about any of them until after the divorce. I had my suspicions but all was revealed afterwards. It wasnt hearsay, but truth. Walk away. The grass looks greener on the other side, jump the fence and you land instantly into a pile of poo!
take care
xx
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