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female
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*ngelWolf69
writes: I have known this guy for several years, and we've had the oddest relationship. The only real time we see eachother is at crucial/difficult points in our life when we need soemone there for support. We come together instintcually, and during these "phases" we talk on the phone and spend time together (I must be honest, soemtimes romantically even if one or both of us are seeing someone else) only to part ways for months at a time. We have an amazing connection, but are two completely different people who lead totally different lives. He is very shy and secretive when it comes to women. He did admit to me once he was in love with me, but his constant response over the years has been "Now is not the time in our lives." I know its my choice to let this continue...but is there anything i can do? Is there any real reason why we keep coming together like this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2006): This really depends on what you want in a relationship. If this sort of arrangement works out for you, then continue. If it doesn't, sort it out with the guy.
A
female
reader, anon2907  +, writes (4 August 2006):
 I don't mean this to sound harsh, but the times you have come together as you descibe during difficult times, has that been mainly when *he's* going through a difficult time or an even split of you and him?
Reason I ask is because it sounds at face value like he's using you. Sex when you're already in a relationship, shoulder to cry on, and manipulative by saying he's in love with you 'but it's not the right time'.
Obviously you've not told us all the facts, but for me the vibe is all wrong. Take a step back and make sure you're comfortable with the way this relationship is now, before thinking it ought to be more.
Good luck!!
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