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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm 19 and have been dating my first boyfriend for 2.5 months. He is a very realistic/down-to-earth and passive kind of guy, while I am just the opposite- very idealistic/dreamy and adventurous/active. It has been fun hanging out with him and our relationship has been great. However, just two weeks ago I had to fly overseas back home for the summer break. Since then, this long-distance thing has started to highlight some issues between us.When I am on the phone with him and talking about my perspective on a particular current issue, which then leads onto my ideals, he gives comments that are comparatively more realistic. This is fine to me as our perspectives provide us with fun, miniature debates occasionally. However, his comments are becoming increasingly bitter, such as "Go to bed, then your dreams may come true" or "Stop dreaming". He also tends to joke about us breaking up more, saying things like "I have always been mean. Tolerate or leave". At the beginning of the relationship, we did say things like that but we always dismissed the idea with a laugh. But now, I can sense that he may mean it what he is saying. Overall, he is becoming increasingly mean and increasingly less talkative.My questions are...1. Is he getting fed up with my idealistic personality? Is he subconciously giving me the message that he may want to break up with me already? [Maybe I have been quite loud, too adventurous, and too talkative for his liking, since he is a passive kind of guy].2. If these problems persist, would it be better if I initiate the break-up when i see him after this summer break? Or would it be fine if we were to break up on the phone? ....just in case... But at this present moment, I can honestly say that I still like him and would try to solve our problems before I even try to break-up with him.Thank you for your help! : Yours gratefully,J. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (11 December 2005):
Hello there,
Well the question is, are you sick of the way hes treating YOU, not if hes sick of you? In the end I think his behaviour is unacceptable, as it is hurting you.
I think it seems like you don't have much more hope for the relationship of you two left, but if you do, then talk about it first. Tell him that his comments he makes are hurting you very much and is so called 'jokes' and even if they are jokes, and he may not mean them, if they are hurthing you, he should stop them, because obviously its about issues that you take serioously and are a sensitive spot. If he dooesnt change or even listen to what yousay, then i think its time to move on and then perhaps find a guy who will appricate who you are! You seem like a very lovely person and he seems like a very bitter person. No one deserves to be with a bitter person.
How to break up with him is really your choice. I guess if you feel you can put up with his behaviour on the phone till he gets home then yes perhaps wait but if not, dont feel guilty about doing it over the phone.
Remember, you are entitled to be who you are, there is NOTHING wrong with being a idealist, yet there are things wroing with people who put others down (e.g. your bf!).
If anyone should change here, its him, not you.
I hope I have helped. take care and good luck, i hope you woork things out!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2005): i think u should talk to him and tell him how u feel and see if he acts any diiferent and if he is satill acting funny/mean etc. than dump him You are 19 and u have over 100,000,000 choices in the world but maybe he isn't the right one for u there are more fish in the sea
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reader, pops +, writes (10 December 2005):
Yes he is tiring of you. Break it off on the phone, and the sooner the better. He is at a different stage of his life than you are. You may become more grounded as you gain more experience. I hope you never lose your ability to dream, or to wish for a more perfect life. Its is hope that gives most of us the courage to go on, even when everything seems to be falling down around us.
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