A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been seperated for 4 yrs. Recently me and my wife have been trying to bring our family together. We have one child together and she has a child from a previous relationship. The step child a girl is an absolute brat. She is a little slut as well, at the tender age of 13. Her mom has left me several times for other men. She has gotten pregnant by a really old guy. The only reason I am trying to make our marriage work is for the sake of my son. She has also when she gets mad delaying me picking my son up. She still keeps in contact with the man she cheating on me with ( he left her and got married). Am I overreacting the step daughter is a liar and she lied to her mom by saying she walked past me ( I pick up her and my son from school 3 times) with out talking because said I smiled at her friends and in some f*ckin universe she was uncomfortable. The truth is she was talking to the principal and I wanted to tell her, her mom was in the car. I blew up, then this little slut emailed me and called me a perv. Now her unappreciative mother wants to break up with me again. THis is a constant theme. If a child you have put clothes on their back, food in their mouth, and basically raised keeps disrespecting you should you have the right to at least express your feelings.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): This seems like a very difficult situation for you. Children at this age are so vulnerable, and often very rebellious. It's hard for any parent to connect to a child at this age- much less one that is not your own, and you obviously haven't connected to. It's that much more difficult with all the tension and negativity going on between you and her mother. I want to give an alternative answer here. Yes, you have a right to be angry, and yes you have the right to just throw it all away. But- this is also a beautiful opportunity to step up as a man and be a leader. Both of these women are in need of this. I would say- surrender your pain and your anger and recognize the girl for what she is: a child- and focus on loving all of them. Maybe call a "family meeting" and confess your mistakes, and show them your desire to make the whole family work. Maybe even offer to spend some quality time with the 13 year old. She sounds like she needs a good male role model right now- no matter how much she resists you- shes just insecure and needs love. For ways to a href=”Ihttp://www.lifescript.com/Soul/Self/Motivation/Healthy_Ways_To_Express_Feelings.aspx”express feelings/a go there. I hope it all works out for you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): not a healthy situation, are you better off alone? Your step daughter has caused trouble and it seems as though she genuinely does not like you. She has already indicated that she is uncomfortable with you 9sexually related0 what is stopping her from saying that you tried anything with her.
You had better run a mile before this situation gets out of hand. Or together with your wife , tell her that her behaviour will not be tolerated and that she should learn to respect you. Either way just too much happening here and not healthy at all. I think the 13 yr old sees how her mother is also disrespecting you (with her affai and lies) and she thinks that she can do the same to you. Only difference is that you are not her husband and you would not tolerate her behaviour.
Messed up sitation right now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2009): Sounds to me like you still have alot of issues here, I dont know if putting that family back together is the best option at this time...
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (30 March 2009):
 You should have the right to express your feelings, yes, but you have to remember that the girl is 13 years old reguardless of her situation and hormes will be all over the place. If your relationship with the mother is unstable this will of course affect the child at such a vulnerable age - she probably does not want to lose her mothers affections to anyone else and is most probably trying to find her place n the world. Accusations of being a perv etc are unnecessary, indeed they are, but at 13,again it is sometimes hard for a child to realise the impact of such loose emotions and slnderous comments.To me it seems that you are in a very angry place right now, and im not trying to be patronising but if the mother is that bad and the stepdaughter that unruly is that really the best place to place your son?trying to make a relationship work for the sake of a child can damage it more - perhaps it would be best to negotiate time with your son and move on from the relationship with the mother if it is causing so much upset. You need to talk things over wit the mother and express how you feel without getting angry. See what she says and take it from there. good luck x
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