A
female
age
36-40,
*lex87
writes:So i have been with my boy friend since mid January ( almost 10 months now ) He recently has finally told me he loves me and expresses his difficulty in showing his feelings. He is a vet from the war in Iraq, hes been deployed a few times and has seen some very rough nasty things. He was infantry to put it bluntly. i am out here in California visiting him. this is an online relationship. I am with him for a month, he stayed with me at home in new york for 2 weeks prior to this in august. I ran by the thought of military. He seemed supportive ( of me joining ) i then told him that i needed him to decide what he wants, to be with me, or not. He is trying despritly to convince me to move out here to cali and be with him, But his lack of verbal affection might be what keeps me from doing this.... Not to mention im a mother and my child would have to move cross country, id lose all my support, my job, friends, family, Ect. But he insists its better for me to go ut there... lose insurance...id not beable to work out here. Id be completly dependant on him for everything, and i dont want that. But i love him so much i almost chose to give up my child to be with him!!!!My mother has grown very attached ot my child and voices her wants for him and trys to tell me how my bf is not in love with me and that im easily " Swooned " by his romancing. Which to an extent is true. He can easily get what he wants from me in most cases because i realise he will jsut withdraw emotionally and ill lose everything ive worked for.Hes a good man and everything i want in life, but his ptsd ( post tramam stress disorder ) has left him numb and restrained. Hes withdrawn and unable to move on his own * mentally * i try so hard and when he drinks he is easier to talk to telling me how he loves me and he cares.. but hes scared because love is something hes not used to and " needs to come to terms with " His ptsd is so bad its hard for him to even become aroused. He and i have engaged in " love making " Many times and finally last night was the first sucessful night he could finish. I think it changed something in him to some extent, Example being he gave me a hicky LOL and he kissed me for like... 5 mins stright and told me he loved me which was very out of charactor for him when not drunk.SO, im wondering if my efforts to be with him are justified... If i should stick to my plan and tell him to come to new york or its done... Or give in..If i joined the military our relationship would be doomed, it owuld be a matter of time. His lack of affection would drive me crazy, he would want love and sex aswel. If i come out here, ill be confined to thehouse id have the one i love but never see him due to work and school...Im sure the anwser is obvious as it is, i guess i just want reassurment..
View related questions:
drunk, engaged, military, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2008): Please DON'T DO IT! I was involved in a online relationship with a guy, he wasn't inthe military though. But we seemed to be soooo in love, we spent everyday together for about 3 months, he moved to florida for a job then 5 months later asked me to. I up and quit my job, left my family and friends to be with this man. After living with him for about 6 months things were not all peaches n cream like they were back in cali so I ened up moving back and he did as well and did not get back together. It was definitely a lesson learned.
|
