A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been happily married for almost 9 years. About six months ago while away on a business trip I had a brief encounter with a married coworker. We didn't have sex but we kissed and a bit more. Ever since I met this guy there has been a clear physical attraction between us but neither of us acted on it or even talked about it. After the incident because we are forced to work together on a regular basis, we decided that it was best to just forget that it ever happened and go on with our lives. It did not seem worth the trouble to drag our spouses into it, ruin marriages and lives for something that appeared to be only a stupid one time thing. I don't have a clue why it happened as I didn't set out or plan to cheat on my husband. The problem is aside from a very brief conversation that I had with this man right after we never talked about what happened. We meet regularly and discuss work but never this. I thought avoiding the issue would be a good way to make this all disappear but it hasn't and I have been having a very strong need to talk to him about that night. I don't even know what I would say I guess I just feel like we are in this together and it would be a relief to talk and try to figure out why we did what we did. I do not want a relationship with him - but I cannot get over thinking about him and this need to talk. What is my problem? Should I just get him to talk or should I avoid interaction with him as much as possible?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): Hi everyone - thank you so much for your advice. I have been struggling with this so much in my head and I think that not having anyone to talk to about it has made it so built up and for what. Everything you said makes so much sense. There is absolutely no point in reliving this and I am really lucky that I have a great husband and I do not want this foolish indiscretion to jeopardize my marriage- I hope it never does. I am so ashamed of what I did (and yes there was alcohol involved which made me weak and unable to say no, and I realize that and I have since stopped drinking). I don't think the guilt will go away but clearly talking with this person isn't going to achieve anything at all. Anyway -thank you -- it is so helpful to have a place to vent and put down my thoughts.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): You don't talk to him, the problem is in you and your marriage, he has his problem and his marriage.Who you need to talk to is a counselor, not him.In fact, the worst person to talk to is him.Avoid interaction as much as possible, get professional help, and remember "why you did what you did" is the important thing, his reasons are different (even if you think they are the same they are not). You may not want to know what you find out from him, it may make you feel worse about yourself. He may have been bored with his marriage, considered you an easy mark, and figured he'd get a quick screw and then move on back home, but thought in the middle of it "she wants more" and decided to stop for that reason."We didn't have sex but we kissed and a bit more."What is a "bit more" anyway?Drugs or alcohol involved?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): You cheated on your hb with a married man during a work conference.
Surely you can see that not going down that route is the only way forward. What do u want to achieve by reliving this incident. Have u considered that this married man is ashamed of his behavior and that he just wants to forget his indiscretion.
Hun you got away with murder and your hb is non the wiser so why do u want to play with fire AGAIN.
...Happily married, you say? Just let this be...
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): Only thing you will do is mess up your life, if you go after desires and physical attractions here and there. Focus on your family and enjoy.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 May 2011):
 I think you need to get to the bottom of what it is that is giving you the urge to talk to him. Obviously there is something there when you want to bring it all back up again. If I were you I would have thought that leaving it all behind you and carrying on with married life would be the better idea. But I guess you cant help how you feel. There must be some reason why you want to bring it all back up again, are you sure you dont have feelings for this man and you are feeling a bit out of place because it has just been forgotten about, or maybe you feel really guilty for what you done to your husband and deep down you think if you can speak to him about it then you will feel less guilty about cheating on your husband.
Whatever the reason I really dont think talking to him is going to benefit you as there really is nothing to say. I think you need to get to the bottom of your feelings and solve it from there. Goodluck.
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