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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have a tendency to judge men, I do not like the fact that I do it but I seem to subconsciously criticise their abilities in their work, relationships and mannerisms. I criticise in a way to say that as men they are expected to up their game, as a man they only see things from this perspective, as a man etc. etc. I was bought up in a family where men were seen as the dominant one and favoured gender, which till this day I cringe just thinking about it. Three years ago I ended a long term relationship with an emotionally abusive man. Even though this man was wrong in what he did I strongly believe I should not have allowed myself to be treated in that way. I would far from say I am a man hater, as I envy their characteristics, which tend to bring out a competitive side in me. I am aware that all men are not all the same, that’s why I wish I could control this tendency to be critical. On the other had I have never had a relationship with a women thou I have always been attracted to women. Several friends have pointed out to me that the things I come out with is something a man would say (which could be debateable) but it has led me to ask the question is it my past experience with men and or my upbringing that makes me think like this or my sexual preference for women?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2012): As a child in your family the male gender has always been favored I think unconsciously you're trying to find fault in all men since they were praised by your family, and at the same time you want to be like them when you say ( maybe trying to gain approval? by imitating those your family admired?) you envy their characteristics ( do you think your attraction for women now may be influenced by your tendency to want to be like them? )when you were little somehow you felt lessened for being a female? I myself grew up in a very sexist household, my own mother said I should do such chore because that was a "woman's work" I would just ask if because had a vagina that somehow enabled me to wash dishes better than my brother, I was always very inquisitive and argued against their sexist views.
A
female
reader, princessjasmine  +, writes (29 June 2012):
Maybe you do like women or maybe you're just really pissed off about men! You'llmeet someone special who will break this spelll and wont give you the chance to make you judge b/c he will be so amazing! You just haven't found the right guy to not have any complaints about, trust me...they DO exist!! I'm the same way, I judge on dates b/c they just arent the right guys, and hten u meet someone so wonderful that you can't find anything wrong, even their mistakes/negatives don't turn u off, its so magical, only experiencing it will make you understand!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2012): "I strongly believe I should not have allowed myself to be treated in that way."
You're damn right but it's irrelevant as long as you don't let it happen again.
No one but a psychologist with hours of extensive investigation can tell you why OP.
I'm hypercritical of people too but I'm just as critical of myself and my own flaws so I'm not condescending.
It's not a bad thing to be critical of others as long as it doesn't have a negative effect on how you treat them and you're always open to be proven wrong.
OP people have this idea that negative attitudes are always bad and we should farting sunshine and kittens all day long to be happy and good people, bullshit! People aren't perfect, so spotting negative things about them is not a bad thing.
It's not all bad being able to spot flaws in people, just don't always voice them, don't let them have too much importance as regards your opinion of that person either and always be willing to let people prove you wrong.
People who criticize you for being critical are being a tiny bit hypocritical aren't they? Not only that but they can also have a right moan about things too.
Look if you're a gossip that's always putting people down by pointing out their flaws to others then be careful with that it's more of a poor reflection on you than it is the other person.
Don't control it, embrace it, just do what I do and make sure you only discuss this kind of thing with the right people. My friends are used to how critical I am and take it with a pinch of salt, it's not a bad trait because I;m actually really observant as a person and under the criticism is usually a useful observation of a person. Perhaps you too have a keen eye for mannerisms and body language that makes you a good judge of character from a distance. It's not a bad trait to have and you'll find people value that kind of insight for the most part even iof they don't agree with you because it's always good to get different perspectives.
No need to control it, just use tact in the right situations and the right people and you'll be fine.
The world isn't puppy dogs and dandelions, just because you're aware of that fact doesn't make you a weirdo, you're far less likely to get used or abused by people because your head is not stuck in the daisy cloud of dreams that people are inherently good and flaws don't matter.
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (29 June 2012):
 I think its a mix of contributory factors why you feel and *judge* the men the way you do.
You say you envy men; what about them makes you envious? you can be just as anything they are!
i think these are internal issues you need to work with; within you!
as you say men are all different and although we can generalise ; its unfair to judge people because in a way your trying to say your better than others; and that simply isnt true.
Judging people also only draws those kinds of men and situation too you; it draws in that energy.
I can tell you of men out there can be balanced and kind, who are good to their wives; and daughters.
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