A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Guys, would you date a 29-year old woman who is unable to have penetrative sex and unable to bear children?I'm wondering because you guessed it: that person is me. I have a really bad case of vaginismus (had it all my life for as far as I can tell) and a connective tissue disorder that makes pregnancies dangerous to me.When I first started dating guys as a teenager and started attempting sex, I immediately noticed something was wrong. I was and still am, a brick wall down there. The Chinese Wall in its original glory. I tried to delude myself it was because I was nervous and all that, but I couldn't even use the tiniest tampon, so how in the world would a penis be any different. Anyway, guy didn't react well to that, end of the relationship. He wasn't the only one who couldn't deal with it. Most guys thought that it was a temporary thing, but it wasn't and though there are other ways to have sex guys tend to want to do the penetration thing, and well, any attempt hurt like hell and didn't work. Relationships stalled and died. I sought treatment for vaginismus it and I have been trying several methods over the years, with very little success. The gyn told me I have one of the worst cases she's seen. On top of that I found out when I was 20 that I have a connective tissue disorder that makes having kids dangerous. I know we live in a more modern society right now, but now I'm nearing my thirties I'm wondering if my hopes of ever finding someone who sticks around is just a pipe dream. I'm not unhappy and I'm not desperate (nothing more unattractive than that) but I'm just wondering if this is one of those things I just gotta accept is never going to happen.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2017): Try to find a man with a micropenis. Seriously. Or at least a very small one. You'll be surprised even your condition has been known to spontaneously improve so I wouldn't lose hope. Keep doing the stretching techniques and treatment to.
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (28 December 2016):
Sure...A woman does not need just penetration to have an orgasm. A man with a good working tongue can fix that problem. :)
You could try dating a single dad who no longer wants to have kids...Has the basic skills in operating a vibrator, has a tongue and knows how to use it. Comes with all his finger, for those stimulating needs...and most of all...a willingness to use all of the above....DONE. :)
Guys will stick around...Just have find the right one. :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2016): HiI am unable to have penetrative also for other reasons. It was in my last but one relationship when I found I could no longer be penetrated, but we had done the 'couldn't keep our hands off each other stage by then'. He did not want to leave me and was perfectly happy with oral sex and mutual masturbation. We were both in our early fifties by then though. I left him for other reasons and I have since been going out with someone for nearly two years. I thought he would leave when I told him, but he didn't. I really like him, he is good looking and fun and charismatic and younger than me, so I really thought he would go. I couldn't believe it when he stuck around. He loves playing with my body and he loves oral. At the moment things are still good. Who knows if he might get fed up at some point? But do you know what? He takes quite a while to get an erection and always has. I've never taken it personally cos I know he fancies me a lot. So, the men in your life may have sexual problems of their own. You never know who you're going to meet. It might just be the RIGHT guy for you. I also have an STD, but I'm still attractive it would seem. Try not to let it hold you back, because as an uncle on here also said, I have seen posts on here where men don't like penetration, but love oral. Other things as well they could be into and you might love pleasing them in other ways. There are men out there who may well find you to be a gift from heaven for them, because they don't want children and think they'll never meet a woman who they will be compatible with in that way. When I realised I've got an STD and could no longer have penetrative sex I thought it was all over for me. But it hasn't been. You see. YOU NEVER KNOW. Good luck x
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 December 2016):
 Have you considered looking for a match with a man who for whatever reason cannot have an erection? I expect there are any number of great guys who would be happy that they would not be expected to perform intercourse.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 December 2016):
 I think it can happen for you, you just have a harder time at it than some of the others. But there are several people who face different obstacles when it comes to finding a partner in life, and you are not the first and only person who has an illness that prevents a "normal" functioning relationship.
I don't think you should totally give up, but I don't think you should put all your energy into this either. I would rather suggest that you are honest and upfront about this when you meet a new man, as in tell him on date two or three. Don't wait all until you both get all hot and bothered and move it to the bedroom only to tell him then! This will naturally make any guy disappointed. But if he knows from the start, you don't have to waste your time on relationships that go nowhere, and he doesn't build up unrealistic expectations.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (28 December 2016):
 I've seem it work with childless couples. In general the more intimacy a couple shares the stronger their bond is. Being unable to share the intimacy of penetrative sex, will require you to bond in other ways.
I have read many men who are very into alternative sex methods, especially oral sex. In fact I have read guys who claim that a lack of oral sex would doom the relationship more than a lack of penetrative sex.
Your medical condition is between you and your doctor and there is much I can not and should not know. But in the case of my very different medical condition, changing to a doctor who is a specialist in treating just this condition was a breakthrough. Or even a team of specialists.
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