A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I would like some advice on what to do when you're autistic, aware of the way you differ from other 'normal' people, but still want to have a normal life that involves getting a job and a partner?I am asking on behalf of my brother because I am at a loss on how to help him. He's 28-years-old, but with the mental maturity that varies between 8 and 15 years-old. Right now, he's starting to find out how unforgiving society is towards adult people with a mental handicap, when they're not adorable young kids or cute teenagers anymore.He talks to himself pretty much any moment he's alone, when he's on his adjusted tricycle (his balance isn't good) he pulls these facial expressions (clenched jaw, very deep frown) that make him look...well, let's just say that the moment you see him you know he's different. He doesn't understand jokes, he takes everything you say very seriously and he gets upset very easily.He looks his age, but right now he seems to be in that rebellious teenage phase. He's frustrated at the world a lot, especially concerning his own future, the lack of opportunities when it comes to work and the lack of opportunities regarding independence and dating. He's stuck at a dead end job where people basically just point him in a direction so he's 'busy', but it makes him feel like he's worthless. Other companies won't hire him because of his lack of education, skills and because he needs a lot of guidance, especially in the beginning. I've taken him to community colleges in hopes of being able to enroll him in something that would challenge him but not overwhelm him, but the instructors say there's just no guidance for someone like him. And he definitely needs it.He's very sociable and living in a small community helps in that regard because everyone knows him and knows how to deal with him. At the same time he has a hard time making real friends. Last week he put a post on Facebook saying he won two tickets to a popular themepark and asked who would like to go with him. No-one replied. So I quickly stepped in and said I'd take him, but I could tell he was disappointed. I too would be, if it had been me. Yesterday he said he would never have kids, because of who he is. He asked me if I thought a girl would ever be interested in him and if he could ever have a 'real' job, one that didn't solely involve doing small things nobody else wants to do. I assured him things would turn out okay, but I honestly don't know. I wouldn't be surprised if things would be exactly the same 10 years from now. And I want to prevent that. Any ideas on where to start?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 December 2016):
 My 32 year old son is in a similar situation. The best thing we did was put him in a program for adults with limitations such as his. He lives alone in a group facility with minimal supervision and works at his program's office.
He has had relationships but nothing ever seriously comes of them. He knows he is different and he has no relationship with his younger brother. It's sad for me because it's as if they are both only children and they are not. It's good that you care so much about your brother.
I would check to see what adult programs are available in your area. IF you would like me to look for you I would need to know where you are located. You can PM me that information if you like. City and state will be enough.
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (28 December 2016):
 Look for ways to help him be independent. Autistic people are really good at a specific skill so look to get him into some sort of a program where he would do and fix stuff, some sort of a practical skill like heating and cooling, computer repair etc. through some apprentice program. We all understand weaknesses and limitations in autistic folks but the key is, I think, to focus on their strengths, to develop what they are good at and often times autistics are super good at what they learn. So see what is it that your brother could learn and do over and over independently. Developing independence and helping him be independent is the most important thing for his future.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (28 December 2016):
This is a most difficult situation for you when you as a Normal person look at the situation re- your brother. But the question is ....WHAT IS NORMAL.... this is a most overrated term.What is normal for one person,maybe not be normal for another.I understand your point of view and your concerns,and even fears over your brother.In a situation like this it so important..to SEE THE PERSON FIRST and then use all to help the situation.No matter who we are it is so important to be accepted for who we are right NOW,nothing can change that.The BEST way to help your brother is First accept him as he is now.Allowing your brother to be the BEST he can be as he is .Helping him to join chat groups,and mixing with his own level...that way he will feel connected,understood .Attending special schools,and getting him counselling[if he needs it]Not to put him in a situation where he will feel different,but a situation where he will be accepted.It is not going to be an easy. path for him and he is going to need all the help from those who love him.So he is very lucky to have a loving sister that cares.I also understand how very difficult it is for you to answer is questions and not hurt his feelings.Would you consider getting help for yourself to answer these questions.Because in any relationship the key word is TRUST,if that trust is broken,it would be very difficult to build it up again.For example..as you stated in your mail[you assured him things would turn out o.k but you did not know] i know you did this with the kindness of intentions...but he might not see it that way ...hence he would say that you ...lied to him.So its important to know how to tell him the way it is in the most sensitive way and that is why i suggest you get help to do this .Also besure of all or any of the health services that will help you both .Kind regards NORA.B.
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