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female
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*aphfire915
writes: i have a real issue with all my friends. when me and my ex broke up, they told me that he cheated on me. i understand they were trying to be my friend by not telling me and for it to not hurt my feelings while we were together. after i confronted my ex about it, he denied it of course and we got into a huge fight. we havent spoken since and that was a year and a half ago. so when i went to tell my friends about the argument, they went back on their word and said that they werent sure if he did or not, which really made me mad. now i have a new boyfriend and i have been spending a lot of time with him and not my friends, since he always calls me and wants to hang out. i havent heard from my friends until school ended. now since their college friends arent around anymore, they are getting mad at me cuz i am spending too much time with my boyfriend and not them. it seems like they are just using me. not only that, but they are also hanging out with my ex behind my back, which makes me think that i cant trust them. maybe its all in my head, but i could definitely use some advice to clear all this up for me! thanks so much for your time and help!
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female
reader, camille  +, writes (28 June 2006):
 Tricky one. Friends should support you through everything and there should be mutual trust. Friends are usually there long before and after relationships that end. The key is, not to neglect them totally for the sake of a guy. Of course you want to spend time with your fella, but make time for your friends or they'll think you are using them also. Try to have a balance. Girls can be very bitchy when they get together but your ex was your ex before they dished the dirt. Maybe now you'll never find out who lied. That's is in your past, so if you are uncomfortable with their friendship in the present, tell them and see what they say. if they want to spend time with him and it upsets you, perhaps they are not the friends you thought. They sound immature to be honest so maybe they will grow out of this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2006): From my perspective, if you dump them out of your life, you haven’t lost a whole lot. Your friends are not 'good quality sincere people'...they are interfering, unthinking cads, as far as I'm concerned. . All these behaviors you just described about them and their horrid treatment of you, are all indicators of poor character and a lack of respect for others.. You do not want these people in the middle of your life. You sound like a smart girl with some values and self-respect. When you make friends, you should expect to be treated with respect. Accept nothing less because one ne should never have friends that compromise their integrity. If you have to, mourn the end of these friendships and then get out and find people who share your common goals, your values. They are out there...you just have to find them.
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (28 June 2006):
 Some friends. You have to give them enough rope to hang themselves. Your ex could have been falsly accussed and hurt by the very people you call friends now. For my part I wouldn't hang out with them at all and tell them to go to hell when they call. Maybe one them or all of them were licking their chops once you and him broke up so they could take a turn. Judge your friends more carefully and hold everyone accountable for their wrong doings even yourself. Good Luck.
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