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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I want lots of sex but unfortunately my partner doesnt! I lost my virginity at 24. The first time wasn't great and neither was the second time...but then it just kept getting better and better and now I'm hooked! However, my partner who is in his mid 40s is not as keen on having sex with me. The last time we had sex, we did it, I climaxed then him and he basically got cleaned up, cuddled me and fell asleep whilst I lay there wanting more! And also the sex we have is very much 'love making' which is fantastic but I need some excitement. Since I lost my virginity we have only had sex like 12 times and its been two years! He claims he had a lot of wild sex when he was younger, he has been in lot of relationships and even has (grown) kids so its not really his thing anymore. He also claims that he is tired and to be honest he works VERY hard so a lot of time he really is too tired to even stay awake. I guess I just need to vent as I REALLY want to have lots of sex! I really want to experience hair-pulling, wild sex in various places not just at night on our bed! He was my first so its not like I got to experience with anyone else and to be honest I dont want to. I really love him and the only man I want to have sex with. Cheating is not an option for me, as I don't want any other man nor do I ever want to break his trust or hurt him in any way but I REALLY want to do things that people talk about! I feel like I am missing out not to mention that its really frustrating as I am SO attracted to him and just want to jump his bones all the time. I'm really proud of my body now and I'm 26 so it would be perfect time to really experiment and see what I like and don't like but I just dont have a willing partner! I have come to the conclusion that he is more important to me than anything, so if this is how its going to be then I'll just have to live with it, but ...at the same time I feel as if I am running out of time and my youth is slipping away and I wont have great sex ever! I don't know what advice I want- I have tried everything. I spoke to him about it and he shuts down and says that everything is fine its just hte tiredness and that sex is not everything and he had lots of it when he was younger. I tried to seduce him with cute costumes (school girl, bunny, nurse etc) I bought flavoured lube, cuffs, lacy underwear anything I could think off. I cooked him meals I make him feel great about him self but it just doesn't work. I go up to him if he is sitting somewhere and try to give him oral sex but he says he is tired or that he is busy and says no. Any thoughts welcome, especially if you are going to say that I'm not missing out and sex is actually dull and boring and I'm just hyping it up in my head ;)
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2010): Hi, i was in a very similar situation 3 years ago. Unfortunately i was not this smart like u or in an enabling environment. I returned back to my home country n left him - the very first man I love n also loves me back. Now I enjoy my work back at home but I've always been missing him when alone. The earlier 3 responses are all very good n very practical both from us women's n man's ways of looking at things. I hope you will consider those points very carefully. I really want to wish u all the best.
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (6 September 2010):
 You're in an unfortunate place, you know. I understand you love this man and all that but there's little that can be done. At his age, with his lifestyle, things aren't likely to get better for you very soon.
You're still very young. You might want to think long and hard about whether this sort of sexual incompatibility is something you can really live with for the rest of your life.
I suppose at worst, you can look for a good sex toy.
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A
female
reader, DenimandLace +, writes (3 September 2010):
 You are with the wrong guy. At his age, he is not going to change. He is happy with where he is. Unfortunatly you have several years ahead of you, before your sex drive will begin to slow down, or in some cases get even worse.
This problem will eventually if not already, cause you to resent him. You will just be more and more unhappy that he is not willing to meet you halfway and try to fulfill your needs. (and wants)
You will eventually either be very unhappy and feel trapped, or you will cheat.
I hate to tell you that him being a wonderful person just isnt enough if you already feel this strongly about the sex. Incompatibility is a huge thing on any level. Either stay with no expectations, or make a break while you are young enough to find happiness. Denim
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