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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I have a skewed perception of my body. Basically, I don't look like the ideal of beauty. And when I see myself in the mirror, I don't see anything special. I always end up seeing someone else who is more perfect and that always reminds me that my body is just normal and not sexy, really.I'm not fat. I just don't have the ideal proportions. I don't know how to break this mental barrier. I just don't see myself as hot or desirable. I feel like I just can't compete with men's ideal women, that they will always think these women are sexier and hotter. So that there's no point in competing with them.I know I can do a lot of crazy things in bed. But I feel that any man I might be with would enjoy those things, or the love I could give him, the intelligence, the fun, the sweetness, that he would enjoy all that better if it came in a more attractive package. Like you might have two cars, and they both serve the same purpose. They both might be awesome cars because of reliability, and a bunch of great "internal" characteristics. But of course a Ferrari is much better looking than say, a Nissan Sunny, and that influences how the car makes you feel too. Help. I feel crazy. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, LLindy87  +, writes (3 September 2010):
 I like the car analogy. Its a good point, but with me, I'm not 'the ideal looking girl' either, and I'd rather have someone love me for me, think I'm beautiful in their eyes then be someone's trophy wife. Those are what those ferrari's are. Trophy cars.
I agree with Petinal, you do sound like you'd be fun to be around and I agree with not obsessing over your body. Of course, everyone has insecurities. But you're you biggest critic. I say that as a general statement.
By the way, the girls in magazines aren't real. Of course they're literally real but as a student at an art school I can simply say that photo shop does wonders. You can warp an obese person into a stick skinny person, you can use the healing tool and clone tool to get rid of blemishes. Its a place to create perfection for the models after they have their photoshoot, and of course yes, they are pretty anyhow, but they are not perfect.
This happens on TV too, actors and actresses spend hours in make up before they are to enter the set. They have professional make up artists doing them up each time they appear on TV.
However, I do know you probably mean girls at your school, because I know for a fact that there were some pretty girls at my school growing up and still at the college I go to.
However, you do have to have a personality too. You can be the prettiest girl in the world but if you don't have anything to offer to anyone, you're stupid as a rock, you're rude, mean, etc then no one will like you. Its like your car analogy in reverse.
A ferrari looks great, but if it doesn't run then whats the point of having one? It doesn't work, doesn't have anything to offer. I think the Nissan Sunny is much better then a ferrari that doens't work.
A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (2 September 2010):
 Hi, that's a mature comment to make that 'theres no point in competing with other women' That's absolutely true. The women in the glossy mags have had plastic surgery, botox, being 'airbrushed'. All you can do is look after your health, your skin, dress nicely and apply makeup which flatters you. the simple things to build your self esteem. Don't obsess with your body. Get your life in order and be happy, that's what people see. I'm only small and I had a full length mirror in the bathroom as i was growing up. I used to think i was a dwarf and my mum never bothered telling me. Since that mirror went I don't see that image anymore. How we perceive ourselves sometimes is not what others see. I don't know you but you sound quite a humourous person and I'll bet people feel good around you. Hope this helps.
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