A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey, my girlfriend and i have had an on and off relationship for about 18 months, she says that she loves me but i have doubts. At the start i caught her lieing to me and sleeping around. I at the start of the relationship said i wanted an open one - she said she didn't. Now 18 months down the track she swears that she loves me, just wants me and wants to marry me some day. I feel the same way, I think. But there are a few problems like i said, she was lieing to me about where she was and who she slept with an stuff. She swears she has come forward about these things, but my mates tell me that there is plenty more. At the moment i feel like she is still hiding a lot of things from me. What do i do? She also isn't very touchy or comforting to me unless she wants sex. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2008): I went through the same kind of thing with my wife, although she wasnt sleeping around she was lying about a friend she had because she knew I woudl flip, I founf things and blamed her for the worse, what worked was we both went into counsleing and laid into each other and were able to say things that we normally wouldnt sya to each other and we both opened up and learned a lot about each other and ho wwe felt about each other and other people and she learned she dont have to hide things form me ,, it worked for us,, in thiese things, I always say honesty is key and search you heart and follow your heart not your head.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2008): Man, I really can't answer this for you, you have to figure this one out on your own...don't listen to your mates, unless they had her followed then who knows the truth of what they are telling you....but then again it depends on how trusted these mates are, she may not be the one for you is all, and they know it.
I don't get why it would matter that she slept around in the beginning of the relationship if you wanted an open one, seems she decided not to wait around on you to commit to her, which is what any normal healthy woman would do, she would date others as you were.
So why hold this against you....she did not lie, she may have not wanted to rub it in your face that she was seeing other people, did you tell her about your other dates during your open phase? If she is telling she loves you and wants to marry you, then you both need to make the choice to be in an exclusive relationship, you need to tell her for sure that is what you want and expect, and go from there....I get the feeling is your are hung up on the past, and that is unfair since you are the one who made the rules of the relationship to begin with.
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