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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I have a bit of a dilemma. I'll give you some background information. I'm a student and I share a house with 3 girls, 2 guys and myself (I'm a guy lol) . Over the past few months I have started to develop a huge crush on one of the girls in my house and I'm not sure what to do!She's one of my best friends and I feel if I ask her if she like me or whatever, she'll say no and if so, there could be weird feelings and situations in the house.Another thing is I can't tell if she likes me either, I've been looking for signs and there are some that point to yes and others no. She has a lot of friends who are guys, so I don't know if she sees me as just a friend.We do stuff together, but most of them are friend things and I try to spend as much time with her when I can.Before I moved in with her, I didn't really have any feelings for her because she had a boyfriend, who she was with for 3/4 years and before that, with someone for 2 years (so i've heard). She's also slightly older than me, she is 21 and I'm 19 (almost 20).So now that she's single I've started to see her differently.I think it might be slightly obvious that I like her, I gave a special present (CD she wanted) for her birthday. Which she liked. That may of been a hint lol.The thing that makes it so difficult is that she is so beautiful! Funny, smart and kind. She also has a friend (who's a guy), that she spends a lot of time with. He's engaged, but he's having some relationship problems apparently. So it makes me suspicious and jealous and my heart sinks when I think she flirts with some one.I really really care for her, I also value our friendship, I just don't want to risk it unless I know she like's me the same way. So I want to try and get over her, it makes me feel sad as I write this. But I think I just have to get over it. I'm just not sure how.Even if I found out someway that she didn't like me, I guess it would put my mind at ease a little.I feel I have to try and do this before she starts seeing someone, which might not take too long.Something else is that she might just want some space, where she has been in relationships for so long.Most of the advice I have seen on the net, says ask them, but I can't really do it in this situation.I just think about her all the time and I'm worried that it's becoming almost obsessive.argh!?!!? I don't know what to do...please help me in someway :( . Just talk or whatever.(sorry for the long question, I don't really have anyone to talk to this about.)
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best friend, crush, engaged, flirt, jealous, moved in Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): It is cool to be reading this posting because I am having the same problem right now. anyway it's hard to give advice about these situations, i.e., what you should do, because everyone has different ways of going about things, and different relationships with each other, and you never know what can happen. Telling her that you like her straight out is a risk that you would have to decide- is it worth taking? It can be frustrating to feel like you are holding yourself back from expressing your feelings, which might make you dwell on the issue and become a little obsessive about it. If there is a way to find out if she likes you without making a big deal about it, without telling her. What would you normally do with a person that you're interested in, who isn't your housemate? See if you can give her some hints, maybe get a little flirty, if that isn't part of your usual interaction, and see if she flirts back. Or, you could try and find out if she has any concerns about dating housemates- maybe in one of your conversations casually bring up the subject of housemates dating, and see what she says. If you feel like you are thinking about it too much is try to involve yourself with other things, stay busy, try to spend time outside of the house, or with other people to take your mind off the person. Avoiding her sounds like a negative move, but it could be a useful move to get your mind off the situation at least for a while.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): It is cool to be reading this posting because I am having the same problem right now. anyway it's hard to give advice about these situations, i.e., what you should do, because everyone has different ways of going about things, and different relationships with each other, and you never know what can happen. Telling her that you like her straight out is a risk that you would have to decide- is it worth taking? It can be frustrating to feel like you are holding yourself back from expressing your feelings, which might make you dwell on the issue and become a little obsessive about it. If there is a way to find out if she likes you without making a big deal about it, without telling her. What would you normally do with a person that you're interested in, who isn't your housemate? See if you can give her some hints, maybe get a little flirty, if that isn't part of your usual interaction, and see if she flirts back. Or, you could try and find out if she has any concerns about dating housemates- maybe in one of your conversations casually bring up the subject of housemates dating, and see what she says. If you feel like you are thinking about it too much is try to involve yourself with other things, stay busy, try to spend time outside of the house, or with other people to take your mind off the person. Avoiding her sounds like a negative move, but it could be a useful move to get your mind off the situation at least for a while.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2006): Alright I will be honest with you, since you are living with this girl, it probably would not be the best idea to talk to her about it. Although this does involve your feelings and how much u like her but the situtation is just a little bit awkward, and it would become a lot more weired if she was to say she didnt feel the same way.
Just remember right now it is only a crush, yes it involves feelings, but it is not love, and dont wait for it to turn into an obsession (trust me, its happened to me before). Just try to get over her before its too late. I'm sure this isn't what you wanted to hear, but thats what I think you should do. Take Care.
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