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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: How long is a reasonable length of time when you haven't heard from your boyfriend to presume that the relationship has finished? We went out on Wednesday evening and it didn't finish on the best of notes. I was quiet all evening as the situation we were in was making me feel uncomfortable (long story but basically it stems from the fact that I was assaulted a few years ago so sometimes I freak out in social situations; my boyfriend doesn't know this so he is assuming I am rude). He didn't respond to me at all at the end of the evening and seemed very cross but because there were other people in the car I couldn't say anything. It is now Sunday; the longest time I haven't heard from him and I don't know what to do. I don't know whether to feel hurt and angry that he hasn't contacted me to see if I am ok (but then he could be feeling the same too) or whether to bite the bullet and say sorry, even though there are things that he has been doing that have been annoying me. I don't want to become a doormat by saying sorry!!! This has been our first challenge and I can't believe he has bailed out already, has he? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2006): There is no way to know whether he has "bailed out" or not. Rather than assuming and guessing about what he is thinking, perhaps YOU should bite the bullet and contact him and tell him there is something you need to let him know concerning what was behind your behavior on Wednesday.
He may well be assuming you were rude - but then, he may feel differently once you talk to him about the reason - having been assaulted - better to tell him in person - don't try to do this in a text or email message.
In other words, you two need to communicate in an open, nonjudgmental, non-accusatory way, and be able to LISTEN to what you both want to say to each other.
Good luck!
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