A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ughhh! I know a lot of women struggle with this, but it is really frustrating me as of late. I wouldn't say I have an "abnormally high" sex drive, but it just seems that I always want sex more than him. I wouldn't say I had any bad/traumatic sexual experiences to trigger this, I just want it because it feels so great! and it's sooo much fun. I feel that it's a great bonding experience for us. It beats working out any day! When we first started off having sex, it was fun and he was more willing to give it to me. It never became a "regular" thing (for example; once a week), but after a few times, he just keeps resisting it. Of course it's for reasons like pregnancy risk and whatnot, but there are plenty of ways we are being protected. (birth control, condoms, emergency contraceptives, etc) But after the last few times, he just kept rejecting me, or whenever he did "cave", it wasn't enjoyable because he just wouldn't get into it. It's extremely frustrating... I'm asking for sex once in a while (of course I want more, but I'm compromising), but lately, he seems to just not want to give me any at all. We have talked about it and his biggest concern is pregnancy... and he brought out the whole "we are too young for this kind of thing" (we're both 19).. yes, I understand where he is coming from, but I guess it's just all so frustrating! Especially since he turns me on so damn much! Without even knowing it sometimes...What's worse is masterbating/pleasuring myself doesn't feel half as good as having sex! Even as a teenager, I've been indifferent about pleasuring myself/masterbating because it's always been really ineffective for me... What do I do! Someone tell me they're going through this sort of thing too!
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condom, sex drive Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (24 June 2012):
 I can understand his concern about the contraception in use. I deliverd a beautiful baby 12 months exactly after I commenced using spermicide and the condon method with my husband. We were still thrilled to find I was pregnant, though a little surprised seeing as we were very careful to always use the spermicide and the condom.
Enough said!
The contraceptive pill is much more reliable.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2012): What if you just do forplay like oral or have him use some toys on you than he wouldnt have to worry about getting you pregant and you still have fun
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (23 June 2012):
 So he's wearing a condom, you use the gel and he still withdraws before he ejaculates? He IS anxious! Have you thought about/ discussed the oral contraceptive pill? Maybe you could go to a family planning clinic or doctor together so that he can listen and ask questions? I'm glad you're sticking with him. Sounds like you really care for him :) And after some of the people I've met not to mention some of the stories on here, it's nice to read. As for when he's not around ... browse in an adult shop or go online and see what you like the look of. Experiment. It's not the same as having sex of course but it scratches an itch.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh and we have been using the Vaginal Contraceptive Film (basically a spermicide), along with withdrawal, plus a condom.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes! A lot of you guys make good points. He is a very sensible person, and I'm thankful! and you're absolutely right about feeling "undesired", that's the most frustrating part of this whole thing I guess. He's a good man that I trust to take care of me. He is responsible and sensible, but I guess what he lacks is romance. Not just the whole "teddy bears and flowers for a gift" kind of way, but more in his words and how he views things. He's very straightforward and he's never really been raised with affection being important. So I guess when we have sex, it brings out that side of him more, which I crave sooo much! I've done a lot of thinking and have decided he is a man worth keeping, regardless of the AMOUNT of sex we are currently having. To be perfectly honest, I think I may have exaggerated about my sex drive higher than his, because we do *both* get horny and want sex, it's just he's not as willing to give it (as stated before, because of pregnancy risk and etc) I do want to find a self-solution, but not sure what to consider. I believe in monogamous relationships, so another man/partner is out of the question. And it's not like I don't *want* to masterbate, but it just doesn't give me a whole lot of gratification. But if there's anything out there that helps you ladies get off....? I don't know, thoughts anyone?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 June 2012):
 The lack of sex I can deal with, but not the rejection, the feeling of not loved. If he's good and attentive in other ways then keen him. A healthy woman would always want more. As you grow older you would realize biologically, monogamy does nothing to quench your sex drive. You will also realize that if you break up an otherwise good relationship for better sex you will regret it. A man who can do what a few men can do would not want to settle into a monogamy relationship. That's why dildos and vibrators are invented. I would think your boyfriend can't keep up with you. You are draining him and he is afraid he is stuck with this chore for the rest of his life. The notion that men are always willing ready performers and women are patient, passive receivors are bullshit. Women want sex just as much as men do.
Wow, so birth control did not lower your sex drive. If you don't want to learn masturbation and if you are staying with your boyfriend then the solution is yourself and not your man. You can turn your sexual energy into something creative. Find your calling, your talent to get your mind off sex. Sex, money, power. Our three biggest drives in life. When you can satisfy one of them, the other two kind of tames down.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2012): it sounds like trying to encourage him to have sex more often is just going to turn him off. So back off a little and take control. Yes, I know you are also feeling as is masterbating is not even half as good as sex with your guy. It's often true that masturbating is not the zenith that real live sex is because the emotional connection is not there.However he is making excuses so accept that his anxiety is messing things up right now. But you still deserve satisfaction. Temporarily stop expecting anything from him. Explain that you love him. And you do not want to pressure him. So temporarily you are going to develop your own sensuality in private. He can join in if he wishes, or leave you in privacy if he chooses that option too.Either way you also have a right to sexual satisfaction, even if you have to provide that for yourself. And with more ways to result in more satisfaction for you, than you enjoy at present.So put the emotion back in and get in touch with your fantasty side. Visualize who is doing what to you. Absolutely anything is possible in your imagination. Visualize it as real as possible. And you too can visualize you as anyone in any setting that turns you on.Don't be afraid to start a dialogue in your head.And search the internet for some vibrating balls. worn within. And get a not too large soft textured vibrator. if you need to go to sleep with a static (not on) vibrator just for the comfort then enjoy that and notice how much more satisfied you feel in the morning.Get yourself so satisfied that the next time you enjoy him it is he who will initiate the interaction.Good Luck. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (23 June 2012):
It's difficult to tell whether it's really his sex drive that's the problem or his anxieties about pregnancy, so if you eliminate the pregnancy issue you might be able to work it out. What contraceptives have you already tried with him? If you've just 'been careful' as in him withdrawing before orgasm (which is unreliable!!), or some other untrustworthy arrangement, I can see why he's worried about pregnancy. He is right to be, and you are lucky to have a sensible boyfriend!Does he not like to wear condoms/ not trust them? Have you thought about going on the pill? You'd need to go and see your family doctor but you are old enough to be in a sexual relationship so it's not like the doctor will be shocked. And if you are in a committed and monogamous relationship, hopefully neither of you need to worry about giving an STI to the other so you could just use the pill without condoms. I know how frustrating it is by the way. I had an ex who would be happy having sex once per month, whereas I wanted it several times per week. In the end I got fed up of initiating it, and in the end I didn't even want it either myself because I felt undesired (and he was a selfish lover - he just saw it as a means to him achieving an orgasm and didn't enjoy the whole act or care if I enjoyed it). You don't want to get to that stage! Good luck.
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