A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for two and a half years now, and he has never shown any signs of infidelity. Lately, though, I have this strange feeling that maybe he has feelings for a friend of his. I have had this feeling since march, and everytime he talks about her, it makes my stomach churn. I admit, she is a pretty girl, but I usually don't get intimidated by looks! Anyway, she was casually seeing his roommate. By casually seeing, I mean they were just friends with benefits. (it just ended though) It seems like an innocent enough situation, but I don't know why I feel so nervous about this! I am not a nervous or a jealous person to begin with, and I don't like to make a big deal of small things. So here are some things that have bothered me about his: Just for namesake, we can call my boyfriend "paul" and his friend "lauren."-I went to a dinner party, which some of his friends attended. there were about 8 people, and he asked me to tell him who was there. after I listed everyone, he said "oh, lauren's there?" as if he was either surprised, or curious. i just don't know why he would care whether she went to the dinner party or not.-when I was hanging out with paul and his roommates, he called and invited lauren, even though his roommate did not want to see her.-when lauren was mistakenly bumped into at a bar, he walked up to the guy that bumped into her and told him to apologize to her-he has a picture in which they are hugging tightly, whereas I don't even have a picture like that with him-he tells me about conversations they have, and what is new with her.lately, they have gotten a lot closer.I usually dismiss things like this, but for some reason I feel like there is something going on. not that he is cheating on me, but that he just likes her. is there anything I can do to stop the way he feels? should I end the relationship with him, over a simple gut feeling, or should I wait it out? I genuinely like her, and she is a great girl, but I can't help but dislike her because of all this! I dont know, please help me figure this out. am I overreacting?
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friend with benefits, infidelity, jealous, roommate Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice! Reading back on it, you guys are right.. there's nothing too drastic in his behavior, and thus, there is nothing to worry about. I still may talk to him, though, just to let him know how I feel. Thanks again!
A
female
reader, Bekismom +, writes (5 September 2007):
I am going thru the same thing as you. I have soemthing to add to this whole thing.. after reading the comments. What if you tried talking to him and he fliped out becasue you thought something like that?
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (5 September 2007):
 I wouldn't worry about it. If he's telling you about his friends, he's trying to share a part of his life with you. If he's inviting her to places where he knows you're at also, maybe he's trying to drop a hint. It seems like he wants you two to get to know each other. Have you spent time with her at all? A part of being in relationships is accepting friendships that come with your partner. Bumping into someone in a bar is disrespectful, especially if you don't say sorry. He was justified in doing that, and you should be proud of him for doing so. As far as the party was concerned, it sounds like he didn't expect her to be there. He might have felt uncomfortable with even going to the party in the first place, but probably felt more comfortable knowing that his best friend would be there. If he trusts you to hang out with his roommate, you should give him the same trust, and let him hang out with his friend without getting worked up over it. If he's good to you, that's all that matters. Voice your concerns to him.DV1
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (5 September 2007):
 You can tell him how you feel. You can also appeal to his sense of what's right. Tell him that you've been together for quite a while and something has been bothering you. Explain you're not usually jealous but you've been noticing something. Tell him what it is and reinforce that you like her. Make sure he understands that should something be happening here, you don't want to be the last to know. Ask for his respect and not to be made a foo of. Do this in a calm and loving tone.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): being together that long i think you should be able to talk to him about this. tell him you feel insecure about his relationship with lauren. try and judge his reaction to you telling him this, if you think its a bad reaction i think you should consider finishing with him. but don't end it without talking to him about it
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