A
female
age
41-50,
*nonymous1979
writes: I started drawing and was in this art class and she was admiring my drawings. Soon after she started painting. I was not angry at this because I felt that it was something we could enjoy together. Soon after we started painting on the walls in spare room. everything I painted she would hide behind furniture!! than she would say ( look at all my paintings!) She would copy from magazines and say that she painted them and sign her name. This bothers me a lot. She would post them on the internet too. I am original when I draw or paint. I soon stopped drawing and painting because she is the type of person that would think I was copying her. I felt very upset and stopped, I let her have the spot light because I knew that I was more creative than her. Another example my brother bought me an African design elephant when I was younger. When I got older I thought hey that would be cool to decorate my home like this! I told my best friend at the time. Soon after she had her whole house decorated like this, and than said that she was mad because her mom was copying her LOL. I didn't say anything because I felt well maybe she likes it too. Yet again another thing I can't do. I don't like to copy anyone!I have always given her advice on many many subjects because she was a liar and a thief when she was younger. She was also a bad communicator and had a bad home life. She had a very hard time figuring things out. This was my gift in a way. I didn't have the greatest life either. Years later she had this friend and I was sitting in the same room and she was giving her advice (in my exact words to her) this other girl was saying that my friend was the best advice giver. She just said "I know I have always been good at that" ha ha ha!!. I said to my friend "who gave you that same advice you just gave" She passively said "YOU". I know she wouldn't have given me any credit if I didn't push her. I have told her certain things what I think about situations, and than she says to me in different words I Think so and so....they mean the same thing I told her originally. Does she not know she isn't tricking me??? She has been my friend for 17 years now. These things and more have happened over the years! I have talked to her about a lot of things that she does that bugs me. I don't want to hurt her. I just want to know how to deal with this. She is a very nice, kind person. This situation is just really frustrating.
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female
reader, anonymous1979 +, writes (30 May 2008):
anonymous1979 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for replying. Both of your answers have been very helpful!! and thank you for letting me vent a little lol. You are completely right Lili and SadAmber. I don't think she is going to change. Both of your answers really put things into perspective for me. Thanks again!
A
female
reader, Lily Moll  +, writes (29 May 2008):
I've had friends like that, but since I've gotten older, I've cut off those friendships and learned to recognize and avoid red flags in potential new friendships. Your friend lacks personality and is using you to make herself more interesting. Friendships are about give and take. You must be getting something out of this friendship, but it sounds like she is taking much more-- she's taking the very things that make you YOU, and using those things to patch up the holes in her own personality. If you want to maintain the friendship, you have to realize that this is simply the way that she is and it isn't going to change. If it bothers you, all that you can do is modify your behavior accordingly. I would suggest subtly demoting her from "best friend" to just "friend," meaning that you all still talk and hang out, but that you can stop sharing certain things with her. It sounds like she has a way of taking what is most important to you and maiming it so that even though you could still have it, you don't want it anymore, because it's been tainted by the way she treats it as if it's her own. Sadamber is right-- it's passive aggressive. As such, she'll never admit to it, and as hard as it might be to accept, you should realize that your friend enjoys the reaction it causes in you. My advice is to stop sharing the things that are nearest and dearest to your heart. Seek out new friends, or just wait until you meet someone you can share things with, who will not violate your trust by abusing that knowledge of what's most precious to you.
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A
female
reader, SadAmber +, writes (29 May 2008):
Hi there,I am sorry to hear that you so happen to have picked a friend who has certain issues. Honestly, I do not think this behavior is going to vanish. I am not sure how old the both of you are, but it sounds as though you might be realizing that you are not willing to give up your happiness for am ungrateful friend. Firstly, you should tell her how you feel in a calm way that is not offensive. If she does not respond well and the behavior continues, try making new friends. I am sure there is someone else out there who would love to take your spot with a passive aggressive liar. You are not obligated to stay in relationships with people, be it friends or family. Don't put yourself into these situations.
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