A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Should I break-up with him?I have been with my boyfriend for four (4) years now. We have lived toghether for 2 1/2 years. And he has stated he would like to marry me one day, but we have never made an official engagement or anything.There is an 8 year age difference; we started dating when he was 27 and I was 19. He was/is done with his education, and I have made it clear since the begining that I would probably be in school(college) until my late 20s'. I also made it clear that I would not go to the univeristy here in town because it is not right for me. The original colleges I wanted to go to are in Colorado, Texas, and Pennsylvania. Since then I have made a decision to choose a college much closer, 3 hours away (rather than 8+ or 16+ hours away). So, I still have to move if I am going to attend college. I have completed 2 years at a community college, but I plan on getting a masters and perhaps a doctorate, but of course the first step is a bachelors. Anyhow, this year is the year I HAVE to gets things rolling. I have put some things off for his sake, but I won't do it anymore. I have reminded him in the past that one day I will have to move, and he really has never had a response. I didn't make a point to remind him, like every week or something, maybe twice last year and once the year before.He signed a one year lease again at the beggining of the year, and I know he will be here for that year because he will not break a lease and later this year I will be moving. I have two dogs that have in a way have become "our" dogs....Anyhow, today I said, "When I move I'm taking (dogs name).". His response was "Why not just take both of them and break-up with me?. If you're going to move, you might as well break-up with me, because I'm not going to be waiting around for you. You really think I'm going to sit around and wait for you?"His tone and attitude towards it , and the fact that he has known for years that I was going to have to move somewhere to finish college and then acts like a child or has if he is hearing it for the first time, really pisses me off.I told him that we dont have to break-up just because I'm moving and it's not like we are going to be away from each other forever. Hell, we have been toghether for 4 years now and if he would have had to move because of his job I would have went with him and found another community college/university near by with no or little fuss, and he KNOWS I would have done just that.For him to try to give me an ultimatium is ridiculous.I know what I should do if he trully feels the way he does about it the way he did about it earlier, and it doesn't look good for him.He should know me well (as he states he does).If someone gives me an either or situation when it comes to my family or education, my family and education will always come first. And my family has NEVER tried to get in the way of my education.I love him and he knows it, but it seems he wants me to sacrifice things no one should have to.He has also said we should move away from my family, because anytime we have a disagreement, it some how is my families fault, or if I act like who I am (I will admit I do have an attitude, at times)I'm "trying to impress someone" (referring to my family)I have a feeling that he really is a control freak deep down inside, but just hasn't let his true self out. Or issues about whateverHe has made comments in the past about me failing school and never finishing, but I blew them off, but I didn't forget, and he only made them three times since we have been toghether.I sometimes get a sense that he doesn't want me to have a higher education than him; that he just wants me to work minimum wage jobs and just be here/there. Would you say if he really means what he said about me moving; that I should break-up with him, means he really doesn't love/care about me as one should?Me choosing my education over staying with him means I really don't love/care for him as one should?Why would he try to test me, if he already knows what I would do?Why would he try to make me feel bad, if he already knows I won't?Why have me break-up with him, instead of him breaking-up with me. (Seems to me he is trying to make it all my fault if I do move, right?)Should I break-up with him?Rather, since, if I move I am breaking-up with him, should I move?Should I put off college for the time being?I want others opinions, because honestly, I will move, and if that entails us breaking-up, so be it, and I will not take him back. Because that means he is selfish and is willing to let me go, when I still think we could be a couple, and he doesn't have faith in me or himself to make it work for 6 months out of the year for 2 years after being toghether for 4 years.Freakin' ridiculous! What do you say to someone like that, that isn't 'mean'? I was actually calm and civil about his response/remarks, and it's more in my nature to throw curse words and insults and tell (him or whoever) how idiotic their thought process is and such...PLEASE HELP! Side Note: He has never cheated nor have I nor do I believe he is capable (he has strong negative feelings about cheating and cheaters) and if I wanted to cheat I would just break-up with him). I want your opinions!! Good or bad, I would appreciate them. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): Education comes first. A partner should understand that and be there for you. I can understand he may annoyed that your moving away but he shouldn't make you choose. That's just wrong. Just go
A
female
reader, PunkyPippi +, writes (20 January 2009):
 You have to do what will make you happy in your life. It doesn't sound like he's a control freak. It just sounds like he's afraid of the future...Maybe he's said some things that aren't always nice or supportive, but relationships are about sacrifice on the part of both people, not just one.
Are you throwing it in his face that you're leaving??? Saying you're taking the dogs isn't really discussing the future, it's telling him that you're moving on without him.
I think you all could come to a resolution, but you BOTH need to listen to one another.
Ask him if he wants to move. Seriously, when you're together for 4 years, you're either moving forward or stuck. Which do you want? I really think his uncertainty is coming from your attitude.
Good luck.
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