A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I want to know if my girlfriend of six months is cheating or not. At first, she was all chatty and flirty and quite honestly, all over me. But then she would back off real quick and make some excuse to go home or cut off the date. When I asked if she was playing mind games, she said she just thought that she moved too fast and that she wanted to slow it down some. So she slowed it WAY down. As in: now she practically demands that we have our dates a week in advance and that she'll drive herself there and she keeps actually acting resentful if I want to pay for something. She rarely goes to my place and can't invite me to hers because she lives with roommates and she's uncomfortable going to far in her bedroom with them in the living room.So most of our sex situations are in my or her car parked off somewhere. And those happen MAYBE once a month (we have had sex less than ten times). There were times when she was on her period but even then (after rubbing all over me and making out), she wouldn't even give me a blow job since I "couldn't get her back". So why did she wait until the middle of a makeout session? Well, I took her panties down once and realized that she had all these red bumps all over the front of her and what looked like a big zit and she said it was just from shaving but I was too disgusted to get excited about it. And she had a white stain on her panties I've never seen before. She said sometimes it just looks like that but I really don't know. I told her I needed a break for a week and I just wanted her to admit it if she was cheating or something. I went and got tested and everything came back negative but I don't know if I can trust her. When she does see me, she's all over me and telling everyone we're boyfriend and girlfriend. And she does talk to me every night but she says she'd rather text b/c there are people around. Considering how controlling she's being about only seeing me once a week and almost never getting sexual ... plus all the stuff I noticed down there, do you think she's cheating and that I should dump her?
View related questions:
a break, blow-job, flirt, period, roommate, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 December 2015):
 Red bumps and zits happen from shaving. If you're so dosgusted by that then you're not mature enough to have sex, and my guess is that she's not that into you presisely because of your immaturity. Who wants to have sex with a guy who gets disgusted when he sees her naked? No one, that's who.
You have your self to thank for the lack of sex, in my opinion.
A white stain on panties are also normal! What do you think it was? Semen? Just because that's the only white stuff YOU know about, obviously, because you know nothing about a womans body and prefer to jump to conclusions.
I don't think she's cheating, but I think she should dump you. You're clearly not ready for a sexual relationship when you can't deal with a body in a mature manner, and you're not ready for a relationship when you're this distrusting and fire away accusations the way you do.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2015): Oh dear son you have a lot to learn about the womenfolk!1. Not everything they do is about the giving or denying of sex. Get your head out of your pants and realise she's not playing games she's just different to you. Give her a cuddle or a massage and realise she's more complex than we'll ever be.2. They have imperfections and bodily functions just like you. Are you perfect? Didn't think so. As my Grandpa used to say they sh*t and fart like the rest of us :O) You know my wife is embarrassed to get naked because she doesn't fit the so called ideal of beauty when to me she's even hotter than them women stretch marks and all. It's up to us men to show women they are sexy as they are without having to jump through all these hoops and hey they might just get naked more when we do!3. Most importantly of all, realise that offering a woman the 'opportunity' to give you a blow job in your parked car is a sure fire one way ticket to solo-town! Up your game!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (16 December 2015):
Oh and no, I don't think there is any evidence that she's cheating.
...............................
A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (16 December 2015):
Ok a few things stick out to me about your post.
Firstly, you don't seem to like this girl very much. You've used words like controlling, mind games and even disgusted when describing her, so I definitely think you should end the relationship and look for someone you actually like.
Secondly, you seem VERY focused on sex and your needs with very little patience or understanding for hers. I know you are quite young and you're probably thinking about sex all the time, but you have to remember that relationships are about two people. You are annoyed that she is 'all over you' in public yet less willing to be very sexual in private, yet have you considered that she's actually looking for affection from you and not sex? And she feels safer showing you affection in public because you can't try to turn it into sex.
I don't mean to be rude when I say that, but you basically said you felt you were owed a blow job because she made out with you for a bit and couldn't have sex due to her period. Just no dude! She might have wanted to feel close to you and show her affection/ attraction to you without it necessarily having to lead to an orgasm. You never have the right to anything sexual from anyone, girlfriend or otherwise, so get that out of your head right away.
OP it's abundantly clear to me that she is not comfortable with the pace things are moving between you, to the point that she is physically avoiding being alone with you. Therefore, she is either not ready for a proper sexual relationship at all, or she's trying to rebalance the relationship because she feels like sex is all you are thinking about when you're around her. It sounds a lot like she's let things get sexual way before she was ready, and now she's trying to show you that while she's still interested in you, she wants to move the focus away from sex and back towards getting to know each other. You know, the whole falling in love thing? Many men might interpret her actions as mixed signals, whereas she probably thinks she's compromising by doing sexual stuff with you sometimes.
Now I'm not saying you have to put up with this situation - if you feel you are sexually incompatible with your girlfriend then end it and look for someone with a higher sex drive. But I would also encourage you to look at how often you want to turn things sexual and consider whether it's realistic.
I remember the boyfriend I had when I was 20 and after we had sex the first time, he practically dry humped me like a dog any time we were alone for more than 5 seconds. It got old very quickly and I too tried to engineer dates in public a lot of the time, not because I didn't want to have sex with him at all, but because I needed a lot more than that and I was tired of his focus ALWAYS being sexual. Sometimes I just wanted to talk, or go for a walk, or actually watch a movie the full way through, without being groped.
I realise now that men in their late teens/early 20s mostly want sex ALL the time and thankfully they have all calmed down as they've got older from what I can tell. I suppose all I'm saying is that it's worth remembering that having a girlfriend isn't a free pass to 24/7 sex, and their desires, needs and sex drives will also count.
Finally, your comments around her shaving rash and discharge. These are completely normal things for the large majority of women, so if you are disgusted by it you may have quite a few issues throughout your life unless you re-set your expectations. Just like you can get razor burn, ingrown hairs and the rest of it, so can women. Particularly since we are expected to be almost hairless down there - it does regularly lead to problems like that.
Remember that women are human too and as such you should not expect our bodies to be perfect. Porn and the media might lead you to believe they are, but that's far from realistic (and the same goes for men of course - I've never met a guy with a 10 inch penis yet in porn it looks like that's normal!). However, you should find when you really love and care about someone, you will find that a little bit of razor burn doesn't matter at all.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2015): Girls get spots there because of shaving, it's a bit of a pain to be honest because men don't like pubic hair generally but shaving can cause spots if you don't do it right.The white stuff is normal too, sorry to break it to you but ladies get these things, it's just discharge. If you got tested and it was negative then I'm positive she doesn't have any STDs.Maybe when she had sex with you before she got carried away, I don't think she's being controlling to be honest she just sounds a bit scared of sex or maybe she feels a bit embarrassed. If she's in your age group she's still quite young and not very confident by the sound of it.The only thing that's a bit off about her is the fact that she refuses to give a blow job because you can't do anything for her back. Loving partners don't think that way, it's not a case of doing things just so you can get something in return, that sounds a bit selfish. From what you've said it doesn't sound like she doesn't like giving blow jobs she just doesn't want to because she's being a little selfish.I don't think she's cheating from anything you've said, she just sounds a bit confused and not totally ready for a sexual relationship. It shouldn't be about cramming yourself into a car awkwardly, its supposed to be enjoyable.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2015): I think she's just being controlling because she's not used to being in a relationship and doesn't know what else to do. She probably holds back sexually because she's been told to be a good girl and not give it out on a plate, and that plays on her mind. AND probably because she's embarrassed she shaved down there and you commented on it.
Also why should she have to give you a blow job just because you've been kissing?
She's not cheating, but I think you should maybe end it with her anyway, because you don't seem that into her.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2015): I think she is trying to play it smart and take it slow but its too slow for your tastes. Her lack of interest in being alone with you too much and wanting to plan way ahead or drive herself means she is very vigilant about her safety. She may have been date raped before. Shoot I've readThat many people wait six to 18 months to show their true colors. She is not being elusive or hiding anything. The bumps down below sound definitely like razor burn. The discharge sounds normal too. Google NoRmal discharge and razor burn. Click on images. That will ease your mind. Then look up Free Dating ideas in your area. Plan a week in advance. I'm sure she'll be delighted
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2015): The "stuff" down there such as spots etc can just be from shaving. Also the white stuff in her pants is probably discharge which happens to girls during their cycles. Very normal. Sounds like she's trying to play hard to get. Wear a condom if you're worried about catching something.
...............................
|
