A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay. So I've been in a relationship for a little over two years. Right at the start of our relationship I had a gut feeling he was lying to me and seeing someone else. I was right. But I will never feel like I really know the true story because he is a confident liar and had looked me in the eyes and reassured me many times that nothing was happening. We ended up living together at university and I spend a lot of time alone whilst he was at work crying, I woke up in the night crying a lot too. I have honestly never experienced something so shattering before. Maybe I'm being being a bit pathetic about it but to fall in love with someone and then to find out they are actually an insidious liar was quite earth shattering for me.Anyway for various reasons I stayed and tried to make it work. We've done lots of amazing travel since then and although I have to work very hard to keep it out my mind I feel like it's still always going to be there for me. When I try talk to him about this it is clear that he just thinks I should get over and that it wasn't a big deal.Anyway at the present he is very good friends with a woman about my age and whilst he is away from me in another country working he has taken the time to travel to another city and go visit her for the day. I've always had had a gut feeling, exactly the same as before, that something is not quite right about their relationship. I know he has sent her texts before saying that she is basically one of the most smiley happy people he knows. Sadly I feel like I was smiley and happy before he messed me around. Anyway. This is obviously a huge mess and I would really appreciate some advice from anyone. Thankyou I really appreciate anyone taking time to read this. And no there is not really a question. More of a general outburst. Sorry if things are not clear but I feel completely sick and ill at the thought of him going to spend the day with her. I know if I try to explain all of this he will just invalidate my feelings and patronise me again.
View related questions:
at work, liar, text, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, big rob905  +, writes (28 September 2014):
 I've learned a lot of things in life and one thing that I know for certain is if my gut is telling me that something isn't right believe me it isn't right that why it's telling you this. Don't let anyone tell you different you were right the first time wasn't you.It's not like this happens in every situation believe in yourself he already didn't have the heart to tell you the first time he's not going tell you now and of course he don't want talk about it because then he has to look at himself and no that he's doing you wrong . In my opinion just my opinion male and females can't be friends at some point one or the other is going to try take it to next level especially if the are attractive to one another.this is just my opinion but seen it happen million times. What I would do take long look at this relationship and say am I really happy with were I'm at and were this is going and truly be honest with yourself not what he has say, be true to yourself I wish you the best I hope that I helped you
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2014): I went through a similar mental/emotional trauma with a devastating lie, not exactly the same situation but it is something you don't really overcome ever know matter what anyone says unless you're a serial monogamist and you have dulled feelings maybe. You're young and this is a relatively short relationship so I think you will recover much better, but the fact that you're still with him after what he did to you is a big hindrance to any recovery.
You need to get him out of your life and surround yourself with people who make you feel good. Just think of all the energy you're wasting on someone who probably isn't even worth the time of day. Hasn't he proven that already?
I think he is cheating again- he is a skilled liar and that will never change.
One of the things that makes me feel this is he shows no remorse for what he did as well as the fact that he lied to your face about it and now he is doing the same and you know that.
It would have been better if you had broken up with him after the initial event. Don't let him destroy what's left of your happiness. Break up with him and move on with your life.
I would also advise not to live with someone unless you are in a marriage and or a long term stable relationship. Always have an exit plan because no matter how trustworthy someone seems to be you never know what kind of a monster they can turn into.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2014): sweetheart - YOU are worth more than this.
Love yourself enough to walk away from this horrible relationship.
No, love doesn't have to hurt. It is possible to find someone you love who loves you without all this pain. Do NOT settle.
I went out like a tool like they guy you are dating once. If I could go back in time I would tell that younger version of me to 'Love myself because I'm worth it.'
You know you are not happy. You are staying with him out of either insecurity, desperation, fear of being alone / fear of the unknown. Well look at it logically. You are already crying yourself to sleep and feeling ill and second guessing yourself and feeling pathetic about these feelings. If you stay in the relationship you remain miserable. If you live you won't have to stress about him. You will meet plenty of potential partners who are trustworthy.
Leave him. Your future self will thank your present self for that decision.
Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2014): He sounds like a complete waste of space. Don't let him take away any more of your happiness. You need to end this dead end relationship. He's not worth it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (27 September 2014):
 I think that the reason you are having this outburst and crying yourself to sleep every night is because you know that you have to leave this relationship. The trust has been broken and it seems irreparable at this point. If your gut is telling you that something is not quite right with his relationship with this girl, then listen to it. Your gut is telling you the truth. He sounds like a seasoned liar and he will take away the very essence of who you are and make you bitter inside. He is not good for your self esteem. If you stay with him, you are doing a great disservice to yourself and your well being. Mental trauma like this is not easy to deal with. Listen to your gut and leave him. You will be better off in the long run.
...............................
|
