A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a woman friend I've only known for about a year. She's unhappily married I am in the process of divorce. We seem to hit it off and meet as part of a small group of friends. Another friend noticed how we seem to have some attraction for each other, we do no doubt about it. She asked her if she had sex with me, her answer was "not yet" and she told me that. Why? Would you take "not yet" as an invitation to ask her for sex? I don't want to hear about the morals of this, I know it's wrong. I know this woman wants out of her marriage and is going to leave it. I can't seem to grip what she said, "not yet" was that an invitation at all? I don't know. My mind is clouded, I'm not sure what she meant if anything at all.
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female
reader, like I see it +, writes (28 September 2014):
 She didn't say it to you, so you're taking this other friend's word for it.
Frankly it seems like a very strange thing for that third-party friend to bring up, first with the friend you're crushing on and then later with you, as it is not her business in either instance. Are you sure she isn't trying to start drama?
All morals aside... you're almost divorced, from the sound of things. I'm not a lawyer but it seems to me that getting involved with a new woman before you're actually divorced from your wife cannot possibly help the divorce process along and might even provoke your ex-wife-to-be into making things more difficult or more expensive for you than necessary. It will also give the appearance that perhaps another woman, maybe this one specifically, was an underlying cause of the divorce. Even though that doesn't seem to be the case, the potential is still there for you to look bad to friends and family.
Be patient, get the official divorce, and then go chase all the women you want. Preferably single ones. I don't believe any third party is responsible for wrecking a marriage - that falls on the married person who decided to have sex with a third party - but sticking to women who are available and not using you as a reaction to husband drama means much less heartache and turmoil for you.
Good luck and best wishes.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 September 2014):
 I have to agree with WiseOwlE, I don't really think you care if it is wrong.
At your age you should know what is right and what is wrong. And that sleeping WITH her would be wrong. For you and for her.
You want a rebound and she seems easy/available.
If her marriage is so unhappy she has the choice to leave.
And YOU should spend the time while the divorce is ongoing processing why it broke down, find how to BE on your own and be happy BEFORE jumping in bed with someone new.
If she divorces her husband and becomes single and you finish the divorce and becomes single you can see where it leads. But now? That would be daft.
Maybe the "not yet" comment is meant as in SHE isn't divorced yet so no sleeping around...? Had you thought of that? No, you are thinking with the smaller head ...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2014): No one here has to teach you morals. You don't seem to care about what the angry husband could do in retaliation, if he finds out. You might be barking up the wrong tree. She's in an unhappy marriage, and you might be his final straw. He just might lose it. He doesn't have to get his hands dirty either.
Don't come to DC expecting us to give you permission to go after a married-woman. What if your friend is lying and setting you up? I don't think you really care what our responses will be, you're going to go for it anyway.
So go for it. Then deal with the consequences.
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