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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: [Moderator's Note: 2 questions from the same poster have been merged together]Question 1:I know the topic of teacher crushes has been discussed to death on this site but I feel that my situation is a little more unique in that my teacher happens to be a lesbian... So being infatuated with her makes me question my own sexuality! Am I just trying to copy her because I idolize her or am I actually a little queer?? Who knows.. hopefully you might.Alright so here's the background information... (feel free to fast forward to the last few paragraphs)As a child growing up, I always assumed I was heterosexual, no reason for that - I just did. But come to think of it, I always had same sex celeb/teacher crushes and never really any male crushes. As an adolescent I dated a couple of guys but never really "clicked", I have several guys interested in me now (ones that many people would consider to be a 'perfect catch') and yet I still don't "click" with any.Then I met this professor and I was immediately fond of her, in fact everybody loved her - she was wonderful, intelligent, funny and... a lesbian. My fondness quickly developed into a little obsession and that's when I stopped and thought - hey maybe I'm not a heterosexual after all?! *CONFUSION ENSUES*Now I'm stuck in a point where I'm confused about my sexuality because I haven't really clicked with guys and ever since a kid I've had same sex crushes (not really on people my age though, at least not until recently after questioning my sexuality).So I'm not sure if I'm confused because: a) I recently started idolizing a lesbian and therefore wanna be like her; or is it b) the other way around? I idolize women because I am a lesbian???So what are your thoughts on this?I've settled for the conclusion that I'm bisexual with a stronger attraction for women than men. Guessing about 4-5 on the Kinsey scale for those who are familiar with it. But I'm still not sure at all... Help anybody?Thanks for reading! Any answers would be appreciated, especially any insight from your own similar past experiences. Ta.Question 2:once upon a time...I had a professor who was wonderful, intelligent, witty and... a lesbian. My fondness quickly developed into a little obsession.She has a lot of students, hundreds in fact, she wouldn't know more than half of their faces and we only see her a couple of times a week at most. So she's not really close to any students and yet I'm fortunate enough to share quite a close relationship with her. Everybody knows I'm her favorite student and some of my friends even say she flirts with me - saying how beautiful I am, how stylish, how smart, etc. And when she talks to an entire room she nearly always maintains eye contact with me, even when answering somebody else's question. She's a very busy woman and yet finds time to help me out whenever I need it, etc...I could go on but basically the picture I'm trying to paint is: I'm obsessed with this woman, but she also gives me a lot of special attention that feeds my unhealthy obsession. I can't stop thinking about her. It's been over 3 years now...(Oh and have I mentioned she is probably older than my mother and in a relationship? Snap.)So anyway, with my little obsession I used to always find things to email her about, excuses to talk to her and "accidentally" bump into her at college. I would always drown her in compliments about her teaching and shower her with flashy gifts (at appropriate occasions) as tokens of my appreciation for being a mentor to me and whatnot.The present wouldn't just be from me though, even though I came up with the idea, another student would pay for part of the present as well... But she still seemed to accept the present as if it was from just me!These days, I still keep in touch with her now that I'm no longer in her classes and she will reply personally to those emails saying it's fantastic hearing from me, etc. and yet she doesn't reply to other past students who send her emails. Hehehe.I also try to drop hints all the time, that I'm not straight either... Who knows if she catches on or not.. (Just from looking at me, everyone would just assume I'm straight)I wonder if she has any clue that I'm always madly thinking about her???[Note: I DON'T want her to know, that would just be weird.]Are there any teachers out there who could shed some light on this matter from their own experiences with students who had crushes on them? Did you know??Any answers appreciated. Ta.
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female
reader, oliviababes  +, writes (9 September 2010):
 i would so ask her out if i were u!!!!
A
female
reader, Cayleigh +, writes (23 April 2010):
Hi!Your story interested me a great deal. I am not in the same position as you, in that I am not a student who idolises my tutor, but.......A few points in your post have similarities with my story.I am female, aged 36, not married, no children. I also grew up assuming that I am heterosexual. I have had several lovely boyfriends but even though the opportunity was there a few times, I never felt able to commit fully to a lifetime with any one of them. I have never married.I never questioned my sexuality until.........Last year, I was searching for something to do with music on the internet and I discovered a female musician who lives in another country. I was immediately captivated by her. She is beautiful, extremely knowledgable about her particular field in music and after searching for more information about her, I found out that she is a lesbian!For the last 14 months, I have been obsessed with her. I have never met her and I doubt that I will. She is semi-famous in her country but not a well-known celebrity at all.She is on my mind all the time and I have been able to contact a couple of her fans in her country, via the internet.I have found out so much about her and I absolutely love everything that I know about her.I am very attracted to her, sexually. I have never thought about another woman in this way before but the feelings are so strong. I know that you are in a different situation but, the two questions that you asked are ones that I have asked myself over the last year........."a) I recently started idolizing a lesbian and therefore wanna be like her; or is it b) the other way around? I idolize women because I am a lesbian???"I am very confused too!Your questions really hit home!I fantasise about her constantly and I don't really think about any men in this way any more.I know that I haven't helped you but you have said a lot that I can identify with.I don't think that I could ever physically do anything with another woman but I really do prefer female company to male most of the time. I work in a very female-dominated job so maybe that is just what I used to but I am confused too!Thanks for reading.
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female
reader, JodieWee +, writes (30 March 2010):
 I remember I was like you. I wasn't attracted to men at all. I thought it would kick in when I was older, but it didn't. The way you describe your thoughts on this older female is quite overwhelming. To think you have not had any attention in the male, then you've pretty much answered your own question. I came out as a lesbian when I was 15. I am now 16 and I've quite a content little lesbian. Hehehe. Anyway, this teacher of yours, it would be best if you didn't allow your feelings to grow any more than they have. Because most likely, in the end up, you'd be getting hurt. She is currently in a relationship and the fact that she is older than your mother is sort of freaky. I mean the girl I'm interesting in now is 21.. But that's only because I tend to go for the more mature girls. You should experiment how you feel with other girls. If you could get in contact with another lesbian who is more your age and single, then see how you connect with her. You really cannot tell if you are fully gay unless you experiment. I don't mean kissing, don't sell yourself. Lol. Just see how you react to a female flirting with you. If you imagine a female reaching out to stroke your cheek in an affectionate manner, her eyes fixated upon your own, how do you think you'd react? In all honesty, I'd probably tip over with blushing and butterflies.
I found an interest to a female online from America. She lets say.. Kick started my queerness. She herself was also a lesbian. Quite obviously I couldn't tell if I were gay unless I had tested out my feelings on other women. Because what do I know? It may have just been a little fascination on this one particular girl. I might have just admired her as a friend or her being a lesbian had somewhat of a hold over me. So I had my first kiss with a girl, I had the butterflies, my little squeaks and the dizziness of pure contentment in her arms. So all in all, keep in contact with the teacher if you wish, but she's your first encounter. Your kick start to our lovely little rainbow world. Hehe.
I do hope you find out your sexual preference. I know this is a late post, so mail me back and give me an update on how it worked out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1215023/School-teacher-Helen-Goddard-jailed-15-months-lesbian-affair-teenage-pupil.html
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh God no, I never even mentioned anywhere I would even contemplate a relationship with her. Haha what part of her being older than my mother did you miss? I'm just infatuated with her, head over heels. But it's totally unrealistic to even think about pursuing anything. I'm happy with everything the way it is!
And thanks for your input 'missaqua' your answer is quite profound. Good food for thought!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2009): Hi i think from reading this as an outsider it seems that you're a very rational person and your instincts couldn't be more accurate, i mean basically it sounds to me like you most probably are a lesbian because your past obsessions all show this trend and you're actually happy to contemplate and imagine yourself in a relationship with a woman that you have a romantic intellectual connection with- the same way me, a very heterosexual person experiences with men, everyone goes through phases but i know for a fact actually being in a gay relationship doesnt appeal at all for me- like how you don't click with men-interestingly i find that i'm obsessed to the EXTREME with ideas, people i find im attracted, some people are just like this it sounds like you have this sort of personality, which is why you approach relationships this strongly, i think obsessions are different for everyone i can definitely relate. of course nobody on here can give you a 100% guaranteed answer who you are in the same way the only way you'll ever know how she really feels is by asking her( im not advising that lol!) which by the way i would bet my savings on for her feeling the same, i don't think there's any doubt she's seriously attracted to you you've kinda mentioned every sign in the book- and the internet haha! especially if it's so clear all your friends have picked up on it-ok she's in a relationship so don't go after her now but my advice- just stay in close contact who knows she might be in a really unhappy relationship she's definitely showing strong interest in you and maybe she's hesitant to tell you how she feels because she doesn't know that you really like her, i mean i've realised and understood so much lately how unclear mixed signals can give the totally wrong impression- does she know that you're also gay and that you're interest in her goes beyond good friends you just don't know maybe flirt with her a bit more adventurously and just maintain your connection with her. above all follow your instincts like when you should defend yourself, protect others and take risks and it'll all unfold eventually- and yeah i would be seriously amazed and intrigued if you don't turn out to be a lesbian. so take care and good luck xxx :D
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