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female
,
anonymous
writes: Could this be love? - I am so confused - I have a crush on a younger guy I've been work with for the past few months. However I am happily married and he is involved in a relationship too. On my part, I know there is no future between us and it's morally wrong even to think abot it, so whenever we work together I try really hard not to think of him in a romantic way. But why does it still hurt so much when I saw him going out with his girl friend last night??Maybe I am too sensitive, but to some level I think I might have somehow given it away - we enjoy chatting with each other and whenever we do I see the sparkles in his eyes. Most recently I noticed that somehow we start to share the state of mood - it's hard to explain but he seemed to be tired whenever I am unhappy and vice versa. If I were in love, I should feel happy yet in this case I feel so sad inside whenever I think this through alone. So what's wrong with me? Is there any way out other than letting it go and leaving for another job?- Feelin' The Same Way
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (16 February 2006):
 Obviously you are very close to this guy and there is no harm in shareing a friendship. I wonder however if there is anything you feel missing in your marriage. Do you feel slightly unwanted and undesired? Maybe rather than thinking of letting go this is where you need to focus your energies.
The trick to letting go maybe to have a long hard think about what is happening in your marriage and addressing anything you feel is lacking there but feel maybe forthcoming from this other guy. If you do that then you will 'let go' de facto because what you want can be found with your current partner.
Getting another job is kind of drastic and is likely to lead to questioning of your motivation so I would moderate your actions in that way. If the above doesn't work then maybe you should try cutting contact with the guy at work to a bare minimum necessary to do your job. Good luck with this and take care.
A
female
reader, Bela +, writes (16 February 2006):
Hi, I know somone who had the exact same problem, you have to put your husband infront of all this, whenever you see him you have got to tell your self it is never going to happen. There is nothing wrong with having a simple crush and whenever you do see him with his girlfriends try to fell happy for him. When you chat to him just try your best to think of him as a friend. Another job is not the answer you have to fight him away.Bela
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