A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I can't get over my x boyfriend! I am don't understand my own feelings!This is a very very long story but ill try and shortern it. Ill start at thr beginning. I met my x boyfriend when i was 15 we where togther in total just under 7 years so a long time. He is about 3 years older than me. We broke up two and half years ago now, things got very bland, even though we both loved each other neither of use appriciated each other any more so we broke away on what i thought was a mutual aggrement. We felt as though we where practically married he was so intergrated into my family life i thought i could never be without him, he meant the world to me. Even so he had a less fortunate family situation than myslef and i felt he heavily realied on me financially at times. Our breaking up came was a shock to me, i didn;t know i would do it. we had discussed it but neither thought it would actually happen. One day i just snapped and that was it.....anyway after i met someone very quickly, although my x thinks this was lined up i can assure you it was not. This guy was not appropriate for me or suited in any way, a total rebound guy, funny, fun and exciting. We stayed together for a year, turned out to be alchol and drug dependant which didn't do me any good, he mad me very insecure. He had a lovely side but partying hard was what he liked best. Pub always beat me! I hated it. Anyways we stayed together for a year which suprised me , i tried my best to changed him but it was impossible and it eventaully drained me emotionally and he also cheated on me so that was the end of that. Suprisingly we get on as friends now. funny hey.on to the real reason why i am here. I have to be honest i was fed up with my year relationship he was wild and didn't really care, i met someone loveley before it ended but i soon ended it asap. I met this guy at uni, cute, sweet, what i would go for , although younger than me and looked young, this i had a real complex with. We got together, he is the nicest guy ever will do anything for me, he takes me anywhere driving i mean, he buys me flowers and massages me day and night and will literally do anything for me. Only thing is i have not been the nicest to him , but care about him so much. I want to be in love with him but i am not. About 5 months ago i left him as i said i was still in love with my x of seven years, i thought he would have told me to get lost! instead he was really good, stood by me. I saw my x for a very short period it didn't work out. my feelings for him quicly changed from so so happy to bored very qucikly and i got extremely freaked out over the feeling of being stuck forever. we broke off and i went back to the guy from uni, yes he took me back i didn't deserve him back at all after how i had played with his feelings. After this he was obviuoulsy very hurt and very insecure about my x. Recently my x keeps appearing randomly on internet sites i am on all pure coincidence but it has made my boyfrined very paranoid, i know he doesn't trust me. More recently i bumped into my x 7 yrs in town i carried on walking but he caught up. My face just lit up to see him i felt incredibly happy, we use to always ague if we met but over the two and half years we have met up several times had the same talk over and over agaian about how we both love each other still, but then we leave go our own ways and then back again in a few months, which its usually me who texts him. To get more to the point i went to see him recently , we had the same talk again but still i have no idea what i want and how i really feel i just know i can not let him go. In the meantime i am feeling terrible as i have met him and lying to my boyfriend. I never do anything with my x but i can not seem to move on fully from him, i just won't let him go. i was meant to be going travelling with my boyfriend very soon. I am so not in touch with my feelings it upsets me so much. I broke things off with my boyfriend as i thought being alone would help the matter. I went from feeling very happy about the situation to very upset and missing him instantly. Now i wish i never spoken to my x and not upset my boyfriend as he is lovely. I know he looks young but that won't be forever. i care for him so much and i feel terrible but i also feel terrible for my x as i feel i play with his feelings to. I just can not seem to let my x of 7 years go and i don't think i ever will, i always said to him how come you never can after me when i left? he asked me last time we met do you want me to know? and i didn't know. Half of me wants to marry him and have his children while the other half doesn't as something is stopping me from being with him. Now i have upset my boyfrined who i care about so so much. He has been a great friend to me also and now i feel as though i want him back. do you understand why i am so confused? i want to know how to get in touch with my feelings cause i don't know mine. Why can't i get over my x 7yrs and just move on. I had a caring wonderful boyfrined who i didn't deserve but now he is gone because i made a brash decision as usual. I always listen to others to tell me what to do i don't understand myself can anyone help me? i feel like a bad person cause i am so mixed up. by me not knowing what i really feel i am hurting people i love ill end up with no one.please help x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2009): i also have a boyfriend that adores me...but I can't stand how he touches me or even smells. and I have been having an afaire with my x for about a month now... the only reason I stay with my boyfriend is because he is financially stable. and my x is not...but also not to mention I have a son with my x...and my x has a girlfriend... all I can say is that my situtation is so much more complexe and I hope you can figure it out...cause I can't either...
A
female
reader, BecciHelenT +, writes (10 June 2009):
Have you ever thought how your ex may feel now? you were together a long time and you were young. Relationships like that you never forget but you have to realise it wont be a fairytale of meeting, falling in love, getting married and living happily ever after. Have you thought about how he feels? When your young you think everything is perfect and it's just the uncomplicatedness of being together and not having to worry about anything else. It is almost as if you don't know how to love anyone else because you have been so used to one person and one relationship. You get into a routine of seeing them often, going round to their house, getting on with their family. Coupley things like that which you are comfortable with and you can't imagine doing anything else then them. But you have to realise that everyhting comes to an end and no matter how good the relationship might have been it is over now and you should'nt try to change that. The most likely outcome if you gt back together is that it won't be half as good as it was before because nothing ever is. The first of everything is always the best and you can't get that back. You have to accept that everything happens and you have to move on. Your new boyfriend obviously cares about you alot. Take advantage of the fact that you have a guy who cares this much about you that he is even letting you see your ex while your still trying to make your mind up! He could be thinking 'do i mean that much to her if she cant decide who to be with?' Dont put him in that position, he doesnt deserve it. What was meant to be is now which is your new boyfriend. Your ex will alwyss be a big part of your life but he also needs to be left behind as the past is the past and you never know what lurks in the future...
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A
female
reader, Sabrin  +, writes (10 June 2009):
hello there...first of all i would like to encourage you for clearly confessing your condition and i liked your will to overcome the situation. Realization is a big step toward actions.u realized that ur messed up and not in the right map. i understand your condition although many people will figure u as a villain in this story. your X is a part of your life which you dont want to let go neither you want to hold it tightly. this is so painful and a messy feeling. u wanted to move on thats why u chose ur uni bf but u couldn be loyal enough because u couldnt forget ur X of 7 years. i will suggest you to leave your recent boy friend because he should not be played with your unusual situation, i dont blame u but he is not the one to suffer too. so let him chose his partner. u do enjoy that he loves u and u do care for him but ur not helpless to leave him as u r about ur X. if ur X is a good person go back to him. and try to decide strictly tht u wont let that half part of yours to let u back u off again. try to be happy with him and try to sacrifice something. because a bit sacrifice will gift a lot satisfaction to you. best wishes take care bye
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): Your current boyfriend doesn't deserve you. He deserves better...Like a girl who will love him un conditionally.
You should leave him, you should get back with your first boyfriend...seeing as you never got over him. You just seem to string this new guy alone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2007): you have to be single for a while to know who you are. You have to be fully happy with yourself by yourself before you can make another person happy and be in touch with them on the same page. You cannot make a practical desicion without knowing what you want.
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A
female
reader, superfly  +, writes (23 June 2007):
Why you can't get over your x, is b/c you HAVE NO IDEA OF THE MEANING OF AN 'X'!!!
I X is just what it is......"EX, X, HISTORY, NO MORE FRIENDS, MOVING ON, NEW LIFE, NEW LOVE, NEW PERSPECTIVE, NEW IDEAS, NEW BREATH, NEW FUTURE, NEW OUTLOOK AND A NEW MAN!!!
Apparently, when you violate any of these measures, clearly you have no idea or desire for anything NEW but enjoys living in the past.
Who cares about hurting your X, he's history, or the past....but the problem is you for hurting someone who was willing to forgive you of your past and move forward with you as your new boyfriend.
You are a weak person, and new boyfriend, if he was a real man, should dump you as quick as light in the day!
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A
female
reader, i need help fast +, writes (23 June 2007):
You had been with him for years! its not easy just to fall out of love with someone just like that. lots of people feel they r still in love with there exes and some might be. but i think its more the feeling of what could have been. would you have gotten married? had kids? i think u need to sit down and have a talk to ur current boyf and ur ex. explain that u dont love him and its just old feelng die hard. if he dosnt understand that mabey hes not right for u?? i dont think u should get back with ur ex at all because ul probably end up exactley how u did last time!
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