A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hello there! I've been in a relationship with my bf for a while now, and I'm perfectly happy with him. He's not really the problem, I have - the problem is with one of my best friends. He's a year older than me and recently admitted to having a huge crush on me - his affection for me is serious! He tends to hug me and jokes about wanting to kiss me a lot (at least I hope it's a joke...) and although I don't mind the hugs, sometimes the things he says just make me uncomfortable after realising his feelings. I've always been comfortable around him, and we've both been very open with each other, and I want to maintain my friendship with him without intentionally leading him on...My boyfriend is not aware of this situation, and as much as I would like to share it with him and ask his opinion, I promised my friend I wouldn't tell anyone, and I NEVER break my promises.I'm really confused as to how to handle this situation... Please help me out here...Thank you for reading!
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 April 2018):
 I fully agree with FA's advice.
It's logical and sensible.
You can't "pretend" that this friend is "just" a friend to you. He wants more. You don't.
Your friend wants you to keep secrets. Secrets can make things difficult for you in your relationship because IF your BF notice anything "off" and he asks you.. what will you do? LIE?
Keeping promises is a good thing. But making promises that are detrimental (in this case to your relationship with your BF) are NOT a good thing.
So, I would let your friend know that you will be distancing yourself from him because you feel it's unfair on all 3! of you NOT to do that.
Your friend took a gamble and told you how you felt. He "lost" that gamble. He made the mistake of thinking because he was your friend before you met your BF, that you might PICK him over your BF. Which wasn't... smart. Declaring your feelings is not always the right thing to do. In this case, definitely not. 1. YOU have a partner (BF) and 2. if you felt the same you probably wouldn't be dating someone else. 3. He put you in an awkward position.
Sorry, but I'd pull back from this friendship as it is NO LONGER a friendship.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (9 April 2018):
 If you never break your promises, then you should be a lot more careful about the promises you make. By keeping your promise to your long term guy friend, you are hiding the truth of your feelings from your boyfriend.
Now lets talk about your desire to "maintain my friendship with him without intentionally leading him on..." He developed a crush on you. He is sexually attracted to you. Your relationship is forever changed. He is no longer your guy friend. He is now a potential romantic partner. I know you did not agree with this change of status. I know you don't want it. I know you did nothing to encourage it. It's not fair. But, it is. The sooner you accept this fact the better your relationships will be.
You need to say to guy friend, I can't hang out with you any more because you have feelings for me. I am already in a relationship, and I prefer him to you. I choose my boyfriend.
It is best to assume that when it comes to guys, that they want to have sex with you. Guys do not get into "just friends" relationships with women after they are about 11 years old. I suspect that your guy friend has been your guy friend since before that age. and it was just friends up until the point that he realized that he wanted more.
No more hugs, no more flirting, no more being alone together. You need to treat him like every other guy who is interested in you. Anything less than that is betraying your current boyfriend.
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