A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so I've been with my boyfriend for two years and I love him dearly. We have had our issues and we even broke up once (only for a few days). However, we have managed to form a pretty healthy relationship and we are in a really good place right now. So here's the issue, I met this guy in one of my classes. He is unbelievably handsome, charming, witty, and stylish. He initiated the flirting and, I admit, I've flirted back. Lately, the flirting has become more and more frequent and he's even hinted at us getting together outside of class.I love my boyfriend but I just have such a ridiculously strong attraction to this guy. There have been guys in the past that have tried to get me but none of them have been successful at sparking even an inkling of interest. I don't know why I find THIS certain guy so intriguing. Any thoughts? Suggestions?
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (9 March 2011):
 often the grass can look so much more appealing in the next field.
And then just when things start to feel settled something new arrives to catch our eyes.
And I agree that so many variables can align together and you just can't ignore the attraction. And that is fine if you are not already IN an existing relationship.
Once you are IN a relationship you enjoy so much trust, treasured moments, rapport and you share wonderful times. And in that relationship a couple learn to trust the other party and enormous loyalty is given and received.
Break those trust and loyalty bonds and the relationship starts to disintegrate and fall down.
You are in a relationship. And you've been through a bit together.
Does this other seriously cute flirty guy know you are in a relationship?
Have you mentioned that you are in a relationship? If yes, then why is he still flirting?
But if you have not told this other that you are in a relationship then clearly you are already becoming very strongly enamoured towards this new flirty guy.
Is it time you had a good talk with you boyfriend?
Is it worth flirting behind your boy friend's back? You know what you've been through. He deserves your respect and i know you want to respect him.
But then there is high level attraction you are feeling for this new guy. Should you chance everything, and end your relationship with your existing boyfriend? And then hope this will give you and this new guy a chance? For a new relationship.
But maybe if this new guy is so extraordinarily attractive, then other girls will be vying for his attention?
Competition !
Why not back off a little. Watch this new guy in action. See if he is a serial flirt. Find out his reaction to the fact you are already in a relationship?
Because if a good guy is really interested in a girl, BUT he finds out she is in a relationship, then he will back off flirting. And he will wait until she is available. And while he is waiting he will stay pleasant to you, without flirting. And wait a reasonable time for the girl to grow apart from her guy, and breakup.
If the girl stays with her existing boyfriend, then a good guy will back off, when it is clear the girl will remain loyal to her existing boyfriend.
Now that's a good guy who is truly attracted to you.
But what if this new guy just gets a thrill? From flirting with girls? Reeling them in, having a bit of fun, then moving on to another, before it's hardly started? Then you have a player who feels all girls are potentially available to him, because he's confident and accomplished in the finer points of flirting.
Some guys are just so very cute.
And they enjoy flirting. It's what they do, and so well.
Some guys are natural players at 18 or 80. They just know all the moves. They are not put off if a girl is in a relationship, or not. Because they are not interested in a relationship.
Think about what you may be relinguishing.
Think about the rapport you may already have built up between you and your boy friend.
If ending it with your boy friend seems the right decision then maybe your boy friend is not for you?
And maybe you and this new guy are meant to be?
Though there is no guarantee, no matter how attracted you are to this new guy.
But remember hearts could be broken, and tears could be shed. The path of true love is never easy.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2011): If you "dearly" love your boyfriend then set up boundaries so this flirting doesn't get out of hand, you know where this is leading and you can stop it, the fact that you said you are "falling" for him means maybe the damage has already begun. Before you do anything that might put your relationship at risk, maybe you should tell your boyfriend how you feel about this new guy, people use the term love very loosely these days, it's a catch all phrase that means very little, if you "love" your boyfriend and have this healthy relationship then above all it's about honesty and respect and by your actions you're essentially going behind his back and emotional cheating. Before you go down a very difficult road to turn back assess how you truly feel about your boyfriend and if this guy is that hot you cant fight your feeling, let your boyfriend go, either way if you cheat someone will get hurt eventually. Good luck.
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