A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is kind of a long story but I'm gonna try to make it as short as possible. I don't know how but I now have four guys in the equation. Let me talk about the first one. He's my boyfriend, and we've been dating for a little over a month. We had sex twice. The first time we did it I was actually kinda mad because I felt it was too soon and he would loose interest,but the second time which was today I actually wanted to my body was ready. He's a good boyfriend and all but for some reason I want to break up. I don't think I have a real good reason. We talk and listen to each other. He has a kid, and I accepted that fact. To me its seems like he wants to be serious. Today after we had sex I realized that we both love sex, and I'm just hoping that our relationship won't just consists about sex..and I'll talk to him about that later. I'm not sure I guess I just have my doubts sometimes. And I'm not sure why but I think he's cheating or even talking to other girls. I don't have proof but I'm keeping my eyes open with him. Guy #2 is actually my ex. We're still in each other's lives, and I still do love him and probably always will. We had a long convo last week about us and the past and I think we're on good terms now and we're just friends. I'm not sure if anything will happen with us in the future but I was just an emotional reck when we were together. I've never loved someone like that before and I was just confused. I actually didn't tell him about my boyfriend because I don't want to mention him and we don't last and I sound like an idiot. Guy#3- he was actually my casual sex partner. We would just meet up to have sex and might I say he was the best among the list,but yesterday I found out that he likes me. I mean really likes me and its actually been years he's been liking me. I don't mean to sound selfish but I don't have feelings for him I just really enjoy the sex. But I don't want to lose him as a friend and maybe a casual sex buddy if my boyfriend and I don't work out. I told him I have a boyfriend hoping he would kind of back off but that actually made matters worse...he actually wants to be my boyfriend now. And he's a GREAT guy I just don't see him in that way..he's not really my type. Then last guy, guy #4 is a friend of mine. We grew closer and he tells me he's inlove with me. Once again I told this guy I have a boyfriend and that only made him want me even more. And I don't like him either. So its four guys. Guy # 1 and 2 I have feelings for. Guy#3 is my best but nothing more then sex for me..and guy#4 is a great guy who's heart and friendship I wouldn't want to break.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): You know what stood out for me in your entire post?...the fact that you called #3 your "best". To me, that says you are focused on sex right now. That's perfectly fine, and it proves you are not really ready for a LTR. At your age, who really is? But you also say you do not want a relationship based solely on sex. So that tells me you need intimacy.
You are a bit mixed up. If you compare guys to #3, none are going to "measure up", so to speak. If you keep #1, you will have to ditch ALL the rest or else you will be unfair to him. I know what it's like to love elements of all 4, and this is normal. Everyone we love will bring something into our lives. Nobody will bring everything into oour lives. You have to find the one who brings the most into your heart. Doesn't sound like you are there yet.
I would give #1 a fair chance and see where it goes. But you will need to put the others away in a box for now. Don't risk ruining your current relationship over the other 3 mulling around. #1 will find out, and that wont be good. If #1 doesn't work out, the others, especially #3, will be there. So will #4 if he is a true friend. I'd forget #2.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): It may prudent to step down from all four of these men and not committ to anything until youve had the chance to step aside, clear your head, and decide what exactly you want out of these, well, I wouldnt call them relationships, but perhaps situations. Its when we face dilemmas like this that can cause us to have an influence on our decision, rush us, and possibly cause us to make the wrong choice. Step back and take some time to analyze each situation a bit more, both in the emotional and logical sense, and see what your desires are. Regards.
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A
female
reader, Haliie +, writes (21 September 2010):
You should go for the one for have the most feelings for. You don't want to be in a relationship just for sex.
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