A
female
age
36-40,
*hahine
writes:I know this is long but I am begging someone to try and read it. I need somebody's opinion.I am a 23 year old high school teacher. Work is ok,and I am living a very comfortable live except for one thing.I have two partners - I mean two serious partners! None of them have any idea that there is a second person though. Don't ask me how I got myself in that.It started like this: guy #1 (38 years) lives in Trinidad and guy #2 (40 years) lives in Barbados. I visit both Islands on a regular but my visits are always short.I met guy #1 first, but he never acted like he really wanted a relationship at first. He never wanted to come to Honduras so I gave guy #2 the chance because he was ready for a relationship.I don't mind the age, as I am attracted to older men.Both of them have never been more serious about me and now I want to break up with one and I dont know how or which one. This has been going for over 2 years now.Guy #1 doesn't have kids but his family adores me. Guy #2 has a 14 year old son who calls me mommy; his mom died. Over the summer holidays he looks forward to come to Honduras and spend the holidays with me and I love him very much. Sometimes I cry when he starts asking me if I will live with him in Barbados when I get married to his daddy - he loves me as his own mom.I love both men, but I would say I love guy #1 more.But I keep thinking about the effect this will have on the other one son.Both men come here when they are ready, and I feel so much pain when I think of telling them. When Guy #2 and his son are here we're just one happy family.I feel so messed up right now. My "step-son" called me this evening to tell me about school and for me to help him with some work. Before he hang up he asked me when am I coming to Barbados. I don't want to hurt him.What do I do?
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female
reader, thistoshallpass  +, writes (7 February 2009):
The idea that the dad and son thinks you are in a committed relationship makes even more awful. The fact that you make this okay by saying neither men are suspicious and you always find time for both is Crazy. You are toying with peoples hearts out of your own greed and indecision... you can't combined the two men and make "your perfect family" so be honest with them and if either of them can forgive you then think about which one and only one you are going to have a relationship with. I'm sorry but you are totally wrong in the situation, and its not fair to these men.
A
female
reader, triplemock +, writes (6 February 2009):
Sorry, but I have to agree with the first post. What a mess, your smarter than this and I don't care how painful it is!!! Understand just by giving preference to #1 makes him your choice for a partner. If you are ready to be committed he should be it. That poor child never had a choice in this (who his dad dates) and every second, every minute, every day that goes by, the child is getting the worst out of this situation. Let dad and child find the right one for them, dad can't even begin with you in the pic and you have not chosen him. If you do stay because of the child, the damage will hurt worse when you leave because you didn't follow your gut (women's intuition) from the start.
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A
female
reader, Shahine +, writes (5 February 2009):
Shahine is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks.But might I add that to them (the son and his dad),we are in a committed relationship.I dont know but I always find time for all of them and nobody is suspicious.
I guess I will just disappear and stop talking to both.Then again-its a small world!
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A
female
reader, thistoshallpass +, writes (5 February 2009):
You do have yourself in a bit of a mess. Honestly, you are not being fair to either man... you said you love guy #1 more than guy #2 so it seems you already made your choice. You can not maintain a relationship with someone because of their child... and you knew from the start that you were seeing someone else as well as guy #2, it wasn't fair of you to even allow the child to call you Mommy as you are not his mother and you and his father do not live together and are not married or for that matter even in a committed relationship. Its not fair to either man what you are doing and you need to come clean with both of them. If you want a serious relationship with one of them then you need to start being honest with them. But you can't be with someone just because of their child, you have to be with someone based on feelings for them and only them. Good luck to you, I hope this helps. I am not trying to break bad on you and I do wish you well, just remember you are dealing in matters of the heart you need to be honest and gentle.
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