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anonymous
writes: I am 37 years old and back in April met and instantly fell in love with a married woman 8 years my junior.I didnt know she was married at first we were talking in a group of friends and I couldnt take my eyes off her then I found out she was married.For the next 2 nights we talked a lot and she really is the most perfect woman in the world for me.She was very confused though as she was happily married (for 2 years and been with her husband for 8) but admitted she had feelings for me which she could not comprehend.We kept in touch by email and met up when she wanted to explore her feelings and see if it was a one off and we just got on incredibly well and were more than attracted to each other.In the past 4 months we have seen each other 2 or 3 times per month and recently managed a weekend together which for me completely cemented my love for her.We havent talked about her leaving her husband, I hate the thought of that and being the cause of it but I am so hopelessly in love and know I will never find another girl as wonderful as this.I feel selfish but she equally says that since she has been seeing me she has discovered her relationship wasnt as perfect as she thought (mainly because he is selfish and uncaring) and is in love with me but doesnt want her marriage to end.I care more for her than myself but cant bear to finish the relationship and dream one day hers will end naturally so we can be together.I know it must be even more difficult for her.My heart would break if we ended but I'm torn between whats best for all of us.I dont think he deserves her but then she could talk to him and try to fix things although she says he wont change. I love her more than anything.I dont want a lecture from high and mighty people saying she is married, she took her vows etc.This is the real world. Life is too short to be unhappy and stay together just because of words.
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (14 September 2006):
 No lecture from me, just a warning. If she can cheat on and lie to her husband, it is possible that she may one day do the same to you. I know you consider your girl to be perfect but I am not here to tell you what you want to hear.
Some people let emotions overwhelm their inner voice. You girl is one of those people. And rest assured that while you may be exacerbating the discord in her marriage you are not the root cause of the problems. More accurately, you are providing her with escape from the problems she refuses to confront in her life and in her marriage.
If you want what is best for your girl, then help her to understand the gaps in her life and encourage her to confront them. If she doesn't, she will one day go on to break your heart. Good luck and take care.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2006): Think long, hard and logically about this.
She is married. When you live with someone a long time you learn exactly how to press the buttons of your partner. Most people these days have grown up in environments where they need to be entertained and were they pretty easily get bored. The 'grass always looks greener' syndrome.
Along you come, bringing something a little different into her life. Some attention, which has lapsed in her married life. You're new and exciting. Her husband is a known quantity and boring.
But, if she leaves her husband and you settle down together, how long will it be before you seem boring and 'too comfortable'? Or vice versa? Is it her you seek? Is it you she seeks? Or is it just the thrill and excitement... which will disappear?
This sounds like a lecture, which you didn't want. It isn't meant to be. I just advise thinking about the long term, for all involved parties. For what it's worth, I speak in the role of the married one 'finding' a new partner. Sadly, a change is not always as good as a rest.
This lady needs a time out from the intensity of this affair to consider her future with a level head. Can you give her the space she needs?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2006): I think I would just enjoy the best of both worlds. Being able to have sex with two women is hard to come by. As for feelings, just try and keep everyone happy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2006): I am not one of those people who will lecture you but I was in the same situation 4 years ago. I met and fell in love with someone who treated me like gold but I was married. I was torn between my love for this man and my husband who I had on obligation to. It took me a year and a half to make my decision. One day you will be tired of waiting and not being the man she comes home to. You will have to give her a time frame to make her decision. If she can't leave her husband, then move on with your life. One thing about love is knowing when to let someone go. If it gives you any hope, I chose the man who treated me like gold and now we are married. I have prayed for forgiveness for how things turned out with my ex but I do not regret the decision I made. -J
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male
reader, David Lewis  +, writes (29 August 2006):
 You seem like a really nice guy and you genuinely care about her husbands feelings. It takes a man to do that.
She does obviously love both of you and I feel that it is you that she wants to be with. If this is the case, then the right thing to do would be to leave her husband. He has done nothing wrong in this relationship, so does not deserve to be treated in this way.
I can see how much you love this woman and I know you would probably be happy together. She is getting the attention from you that she is not getting from her husband. I think they would benefit if they got some guidance counselling as I feel there is a future for their marriage.
I think you should try to encourage her to get some counselling with her husband and tell her that you do not want to be the one to split them up. If she genuinely feels that she does not want to be with him, then it is best that they do seperate and then you can both try to make each other happy, which I really feel you can.
Very best of luck, please let us know in a future update.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2006): hi... before i begin, i will let you know i aint the high and mighty sort of girl! you are right when you say this is the real world, it is so easy to fall in love with "another person" hey, i know, ive been there!I know by reading your post that you are deeply in love with this lady, but she has to be the one to make the descission, you...or her hubby! I think the longer you both go on in secret about your love for each other, the more people are going to get hurt, and the harder it will be to leave her husband or to make a proper go of it with you.You need to be strong and say to her that she cant have you both, how do you feel at the end of the night when you are alone, and she is tucked up in bed with her hubby? I know how i felt when i was having an "internet affair" i cried myself to sleep most nights, cause i felt guilty towards both my hubby, and the guy online, she must be in a pickle about what to do, but the longer you just talk about thins the harder it will be to put it into action!Judith xXx
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