A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My parents and I have not been in a good relationship recently. We use to get along just fine, but now all we ever do is fight. I've always had a trouble mind, I just hide it from them so they don't think I need help or anything. All my parents ever wanted to give me and my sister what they never had. But now were both sounding ungrateful for what we've gotten and it seems to be tearing us apart. I don't know how to stop it, I don't know how to change.My mom has been complaining to me that I always act like a baby when I should know how life works by now. I feel like I act like a child because I had to be a grown up when I was 10 and 11. My mom had a disease that nearly killed her and my dad and I had to care for ourselves. I had to stay strong even though I didn't want to. Her family (My uncles and grandma) turned our backs on us and told everyone my mom was faking about being sick. So it was really hard to act like a kid back then and I feel like I'm making up for what I didn't get before.Another issue is that my mom thinks I'm self-centered. I hate that word. I hate being called that. I know I've screwed up numerous times but I try not to think about myself. I act completely different around my friends. Why can't I act that way towards my parents? I treat my friends a lot better than I treat my family. It's not right of me to do that. I know it's not but I do it anyway, why is that? Am I too weak to stop myself? Am I just not thinking it through clearly? Its a question I can't even answer without feeling sure of it.The truth is: Even though my mom thinks I am self-centered and am ungrateful, I'm not. I know I act that way towards her and I should probably be blaming myself for why she thinks of me the way she does. I stay up almost every night until 3 in the morning texting my friend reasons she can't be depressed. I do what I can to make them feel good about themselves...so why can't I just do this one thing I've done hundreds of times with my parents?Maybe I am ungrateful. I tend to catch myself a lot always complaining about how slow my computer is or how my netbook can't play games. I'm always saying what should be improved of it while I always keep what I like about it in my thoughts. I've tried switching it around so I'd actually give compliments about what they got me but it always just comes back and bites me.I hate the fact that I'm like this. My parents did nothing wrong. Especially since they were both raised in bad families. They could have treated me and my sister the same way they were treated. But they got us everything they never had. It makes me upset to think like this, because I feel really horrible about how I act around them, but each time I try and change it and be the better person, I can't. I don't know what it is or why it's like this, but it's tearing me up. I hate the fact that I can't be the child they deserve.What do I need to do or say to change this?
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (18 October 2010):
 I'm going to point out your at that age where it's difficult to get along with your parents. The teenage phase, it brings parties, underage drinking, learning how to drive, maybe your first job, more responsibility, boyfriends, and sex. Toughest phase for every parent, I don't know how some mother's survive it.
From your post, I don't see you as selfish and ungrateful. Trust me your parents aren't the first to say that to their teens and won't be the last. They always throw in your face how they worked really hard to give you the things they never had. I've discovered how to rectify this situation is to tell them thank you once in awhile. A phrase that simple makes them feel so appreciated. Also by telling them you love them at least once a day makes them feel better as well.
When I was your age, I thought of my friends as family because my mom was so loopy and we just kept butting heads. Now, she cries when I leave after visiting for the weekend. My point is, this will pass. And just because you complain about your netbook being too slow doesn't make you ungrateful. That's just poor workmanship we wish the company will correct in time to come. We can't be saints all the time. So don't worry that you are this horrible person, because you're not. Just be who you are, and throw in a "thank you and a I love you" from time to time. I guarantee you will see an improvement in their attitude towards you.
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (18 October 2010):
 You needn't be disappointed in thinking like this, it is the first step to change. Make it a personal goal to change and then act on it and try your hardest. For every negative thing you say, say two positive things. For example, if you find a distaste for the meal you mother cooks on a particular night, find two positive things to say about it if you find yourself blurting out how terrible you think that meal is.
Start out with that sort of thing and then slowly, when you feel that you are saying positive things, begin saying those positive things for every negative thought and do not bother expressing the negative thought. If you MUST express it, do it as politely as you can.
You cannot keep trying to make up for your childhood. I am afraid it is just something you are going to have to leave behind. You can be so much better than you are right now and you know that.
Give your parents a hug and tell them you are sorry for being 'spoiled' around them. A hug means a lot between a parent and a child. Saying 'sorry' means a lot as well. Let that moment be a reminder of why you do this.
I hope that helps.
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