A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend keep arguing lately. He lives away at uni in a house with a couple of his male friends. I've been to stay there a couple of times and I really disliked it. His mates always seem to be getting drunk and my boyfriend makes us sit with them to be sociable. They're all male so I feel very awkward and uncomfortable having to listen to their conversations (they're pretty filthy and not very female-friendly). I'm quite shy, which makes it worse. I've told my boyfriend this and he doesn't see what the problem is as he's very outgoing and would talk to anyone. He keeps pressuring me into going to stay with him but I really don't want to. Am I being selfish? How do I get 'round this problem?Thanks in advance for your helpxxx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Eilish +, writes (15 March 2011):
 It's okay sweetie. I had a boyfriend once where I had to always hang at his house with his friends. They were all rough chavs and I didn't fit in at all and I certainly didn't feel comfortable, so I deffinatley know how you feel! I told him straight :-) good luck xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice Eilish! It's good to know I'm not over-reacting.
xxx
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A
female
reader, Eilish +, writes (14 March 2011):
Let him know that you really don't like it. Sit him down and make him listen, this isn't fair on you. Tell him that it's not his mates you want to be spending time with - it's him. Let him know that you don't really feel like you fit in with them, as their all boys and you're not really into that kinda thing. Tell him you respect him wanting to hang out with you and his mates at the same time, but not at the expense as to where you feel uncomfortable.xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2011): Say, you would love to stay two nights, but you want some alone time. You may have to spend a little time with his mate they live there after all, but you don't have to sit drinking with them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your comment!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your comment!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your comment! I agree, he lives with them, he has plenty of time to hang out with them. I think if I'm making the effort to visit him, he should make the effort to take a night off from his mates. I thought we'd come to a solution by saying I'd only stop for the one night but now he's saying things like 'you might as well stay for two'. I feel like he's just pushing and pushing until he gets his own way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): Tell him you're going out with him not his mates, the reason, you are going to stay with him, is to be with him. If he wants to spend time with his mates while you're there, thats OK you will just make your visit shorter. He has plenty of time to sit with his mates when you're not there.
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