A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so i have been with my bf who i love and who loves me back a lot for a about 1 1/2 years. Things are great btwn us...we live together, have a great sex life, went and constantly go thru the good, the bad, the really bad, etc. but he watches porn. I've talked to him about it over and over and over again. I don't know what to do. We've almost broken up many times bc of this. I F*ing Hate porn. It makes me feel cheated on, sad, depressed. not sexy, annoyed, super unattractive...overall i feel pretty s*hitt*y. I don't know what to do. He's not a kid and neither am I. I want to spend the rest of my life with him but the porn really ruins it all.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, samurai girl +, writes (12 February 2009):
 I am sort of going through the same thing and I'm in my 30s. I understand that you don't like it, but you have to appreciate the honesty and that he doesn't compare you to them. Most men think about sex 99.999% of the time and if the wind blew hard enough they'd get an erection. Were they thinking about the wind? No, they were thinking about their orgasm.
Take it from someone who used to watch a LOT of porn, but has changed. I have had BFs who looked at it, we looked at it together, they didn't...I am different now and that is not something I want to watch with my current BF and I don't want to see his 'Playboy' magazines. When I was younger, I would have probably had the subscription.
You do need to tell him how the porn makes you feel and he should respect that you don't want to see it. Out of sight, out of mind. As long as he is loving towards you and makes you feel like a million dollars, try to focus on the great things about him and your relationship. You shouldn't ask him to stop because that'll start the lying & you'll be even more pissed. Just ask that he not view it or talk about it around you. Good luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): All men watch porn. Get over it. It is only a problem if he prefers to watch porn instead of having sex with you.
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A
female
reader, VampyricHybrid +, writes (8 February 2009):
 I have the same problem currently. It seems like my boyfriend just cannot step up and admit his addiction to porn. And, I have the same feelings as you. I feel like he's cheating because he's doing sexual acts and thinking about other women while doing so. And, the fact that he looks at all these supposedly "perfect" girls, makes me feel even crappier. I don't know what to do about it really, I'm trying to figure the same thing out. Try to talk to him about it, get him to admit it?-Good luck, really. My sympathies.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): At least you know now. I didnt know till just after we got married. It has ruined us over the last 8 years we have all sorts of trust issues etc. I feel the same as you. If you dont get it sorted out now it never goes away.....I cant say he will understand coz most men really just dont get it...but show him this thread and posts...it may help along with speaking your mind...good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): tell him porn or you!
the longer you let him hurt you the more it will hurt when you finally decide to leave him!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): Either you leave him and find somebody else who doesn't like pornography or accept that he likes pornography but ask him to keep it away from you, so it's not in your face. There are no other solutions that I can see. You have different interests, this one thing is ruining your relationship and making you upset. Tell him that if you ever catch him looking at pornography again then you will leave him, but don't just say it, make sure you are prepared to leave this man and find happiness with somebody else. I have never seen any other solutions that actually work.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (2 February 2009):
 Show him your post and the answers you get!I think it is a case of PORN or you! It's his choice and if he truly loves you he would give up ANYTHING for you!Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (2 February 2009):
So why isn't he going to stop?
What is his excuse when he knows how it makes you feel?
You say things are great but he doesn't seem to care about the fact he's making you feel like crap.
Tell him it's you or the porn and if you discover he's looked at it again then walk away from him.
Good Luck!! xx
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