A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel stupid. In theory, I have a great life. I have a good, loving family, a good home, money, some great friends, I do well at school, going to university next year and I'm generally a healthy person with a lot to give. But I hate myself. I know it's probably a lack of confidence but I just hate my life. I often wake up feeling sick and nervous. I've also suffered from panic attacks as I feel like I can't face up to things. I just want to run away and be free. I'm generally quite shy and quiet but I have some great friends who mean the world to me. The problem is that I always feel like I'm second best. I have two best friends who I see every day but they’ve grown up together. They've very close and do everything together and I often feel like I'm not good enough. They’re like twins. They tell each other stuff and often leave me out. I just feel like a waste of space sometimes. They're also much more popular than I am. I suppose I seem more serious than them but people will talk to them and not me. They both have either a boyfriend or someone who truly like them. It makes me feel rubbish and I'm constantly jealous of them. I also recently fell for this boy. There was a time when he seemed like he also liked me but I hardly ever saw him. I see him more often now but I've come to realize he doesn't like me back. He prefers my friends who he's always been closer to anyway. I feel so daft for getting my hopes up about him. I just always feel like I'm not good enough. Everyone seems to think I'm a quiet, serious girl and never give me a chance. I feel so pathetic and I end up hating who I am. How can I be the person I want to be? And how can I feel more confident in myself? Thanks for reading, xxx.
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best friend, confidence, jealous, money, shy, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): You need to start focusing on more positive things in your life- make a list of three things every day that you like about yourself or something you did well, etc. You also have to change your way of thinking into more positive thinking. Don't think you're boring- read the paper, watch a popular show, catch up on celebrity gossip, etc.- that way you have something to say and talk about with your friends. Be positive and upbeat when you talk- when you seem interested about what you're discussing, then people will also be interested. You can also start asking people about themselves and make sure to listen, ask questions, and seem interested in them. Smile, don't stand with your arms crossed or a frown on your face. Try to not worry about yourself so much, focus on others. You say people see you as a "quiet, serious girl"- has anyone every told you that? Or is it the way you see yourself? Try to make small baby steps and go out there and show them your happy, positive self! Best of luck!
A
male
reader, veraciousone  +, writes (19 November 2009):
 there is no way a person that created by God will hate his or her self. you can't blame yourself why God created you. what am telling you about this open your heart to others. talk to people and do something like reading bible,and watching comedy films.don't take others as a nonentity because bible said LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF. THERE IS NO FEAR IN LOVE,BUT PERFECT LOVE CAST OUT FEAR JOHN 4:18. rise up so success will be yours. Thanks and God Bless you.
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A
female
reader, justme..x +, writes (19 November 2009):
 Urgh, this sounds familiar. I’m genuinely sorry – I know how difficult total lack of confidence is. I’m not sure how useful my advice will be, since I think it’s kind of an issue you have to overcome yourself – but of course I’ll do my best. :-)
Yep, so there’s nothing wrong with your life. Theoretically, you’re very lucky. But, as so many people don’t understand, this doesn’t mean you’re happy. Don’t feel guilty – you’ll just hate yourself even more. Anyway, even just asking this question shows you’re trying to do something about it, rather than just wallowing and not appreciating what you have.
I often wake up feeling sick and nervous too – in fact I often retch (not actual throwing up btw), almost every school day, so I totally identify with you! I’m not sure there’s a way to stop this until you’re happier or more confident in general ... I usually ignore it, and keep drinking lots of water. Do you find that it goes away as you get into the day, or is it constant?
Feeling second-best won’t go away, until you start appreciating yourself. Maybe you could make a list of all the positives about you – just once, take the time to be boastful might help yourself confidence! Get some friends or family to suggest things if you can’t think of much. I’m sure you will come up with a surprisingly long list.
A lot of confidence is just acting. All these people that you so wish you were like – are putting on a front. Underneath, who knows, they may feel just as rubbish as you do. Despite what you say, about you being left out from your friends: they obviously saw something more than a quiet, boring girl in you, or they wouldn’t bother talking to you. THIS MEANS THAT OTHER PEOPLE WILL TOO! I would recommend organising something that you could all do on a Saturday – something that YOU set up, something that you could ALL do. It would make you feel more included, and help erase the “boring image” too.
As for that boy – I’m sorry. I know how badly that hurts. But, don’t let it knock you! He was ONE person. No better than you, in the same way that your friends aren’t better than you. If you’re still stuck on him, then keep your chin up and show him what a great person you are. If not, then even better – you deserve people who appreciate you. :-D
I’m going to end by saying that your impression of yourself is probably totally different from other peoples’. I mean, are you SURE you seem boring and rubbish to everyone around you?? I bet you don’t. We tend to see the worst in ourselves, and the more we think about it, the clearer it seems. If people genuinely don’t see something more than just a boring, shy girl – or don’t appreciate you – then it’s their loss, and their problem. You shouldn’t have to change who you are. Eventually, sooner than you think, you will find people that like you for who you are – and it sounds like you already have, to a certain extent.
Good luck, chin up. Hope that helped a little. xxxx
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