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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 26 years old, and I am almost 8 months pregnant with my second child. I have been with the same man ( my finacee) for 7 years now. Everything was peachy (outside of the usual pregnancy related stuff) until his best friend (a female) contacted him. I have never liked her. Shes clingy, overemotional, and is one of those people that like to call you every 5 minutes because she stubbed her toe ( just an example). My finacee and I have very little time to ourselves as it is, and now his phone is constantly ringing off the hook, or hes not home because she "needs" his help. She also has a habit of sleeping with men who are already in relationships, and could care less about the fact that she has an STD and doesn't use condoms. Will someone please tell me I'm being paranoid, and letting my hormones and dislike of her run rampant? I dont think my finacee would cheat on me, but we have been having problems (since she came back) and I haven't exactly been Mary Poppins lately. I love my fiancee, but I hate his best friend. What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2006): Hi, I had a similar situation with my boyfriend, who lived with me for a little over two years. He has an ex girlfriend, who was not only his first love, but also his childhood friend, even when they broke up in middle school he kept her pictures and letters, and ten years later still agreed to get back with her. She keeps calling, even long distance, once in awhile to see how he's doing, and especially since I have a problem with that, he talked to her behind my back. Plus his other exes called more often in the beginning of our relationship. The main line was I told him it was okay for them to call when I sympatized and called myself insecure and ridiculous, but he betrayed me by visiting an ex without letting me know. So bottom line is communicate, tell him directly that you are going to get married, and exes should be outta the picture. I was able to end the relationship with the exgf because during my bf's surgery, I was the only one there for him. His family was too far to see him. But, she called, and I was furious because she has a fiancee' and he is not happy with her contacting my bf either. So, I text messaged her and told her to stop calling. She threatened me by saying I was immature, but I didn't write back, knowing better. THen, I had my bf clarify it personally to her to stop calling because it intervened in our relationship, so he called her and told her to stop calling. I guess I used the fact that I was being there and taking care of him as an advantage, otherwise no one would take care of him.
SO BE HONEST, GUYS DON'T GET RANDOM SIGNALS. Especially if you guys are going to get married.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006): Thanks for the advice!...My fiance and I have been engaged for 2 years. The reason why we are not married yet is because I got pregnant again. We were planning a fall wedding, but I don't exactly like the idea of looking like I stole a basketball and hid it under my wedding dress (I'm due in November)! I will attempt to talk to him about my issues with her, I'm just afraid he will jump to her defense (hes done it before), and call me paranoid. Which, could be true...I'm not sure anymore. Again, thank you for all the advice. It's nice to have an outside opinion!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2006): Even more to the point: you have been engaged for seven years now and are about to have your second child. Why haven't you gotten married?
Becoming engaged and having a fiance is intention to marry - unless you find you are not a good match after all. Then you break the engagement. As it is, you're in limbo now!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2006): You expressed that you don't trust the woman, but in fact, you don't trust your fiance. That's the basic core of your dilemma. There is a certain amount of insecurity that you have. However, it is understandable how you feel uncomfortable with the fact that there is another woman aside from you who has your fiance's attention.
All you can really do positively, is speak with your fiance about it, but don't express that you don't want him to be friends with her - cuz that might actually make things worst. Allow him to stay friends with her. I believe it's the best way, but express your discomfort.
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