A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for some months now. I am 21 and he is 24. He has 2 kids from a previous relationship with 2 different women. I met my boyfriend way back almost 6 years ago true significant friends and we've been friends ever then but since june 2010 we start hanging out really often and going party together with my girls and his boys and then we startin hooking up then and now we're in a relationship. The thing is that his ex babymama nr2 is really bugging me out, she is sending me emails that she wanna get her family back and that i should back off and calling me names and being so rude u can't imagine, saying how typical that a women always have to have a man that already is with somebody else, but the thing is they are'nt together aymore they broke up in april 2010 and she moved out back to her parents house and we got in a big discussion in the mail that she wrote to me, and i really can't take this anymore i hate that they have a kid together because this sound so immature but they do have something common and that makes me jealous cause she hates my guts she really does and i hers, but she need to get the pic that im with him. He's also everyday at her house to see his child , after work he passes there to see him at first i did'nt mind it but after that she wrote me in the mail saying that when my boyfriend comes by her house but not for his son but for HER really pisses me off, she calls him 24/7 everyday and pings him on the BBM , my thing is that i just want him to contact her of she him if its something about the child and if it isn't then they should'nt be any conctact, im so angry and pissed off and everything .. i dont know if i should break up with him or not, 2 months ago we were talking and when the ex was sendin me stuffs i said to him i can't do this anymore imma bout to drop everything and then he was like ''no dont drop it , i dont wanna loose you'' and i was i don't wanna loose u either but with the EX i cant go on like this its killing me, im so afraid and jealous that she takes him away from me because they have a kid together .. by the way in october i had an abortion by my boyfriend cause im not ready to have child right now and don't wanna put my kid into a place where is so much drama, so the ex was saying in the mail also how a bad mother a would be in the future because i had an abortion but i had it because it did'nt feel right to have a kid right now with him and when he already have 2 kids and by 2 different women.Anyhow i was so pissed that he told her that i was preg , so i said to her its not u damn buisnes what i do/did or not do because if i would have the baby SHE would be the one that would get THE most hard time with it cause she hates me so much .. i've cried so much cause this really hurts me, i really wanna be with him but the ex is a problem cause she really wants him back, by the way when we were just hooking up he had a tattoo with the letter of the EX a heart in the middle and the letter of the son and the date of his and her realtioship, and i so dont get it why he did that cause he says he dont wanna be with her anymore, i dont trust it, cause when i first asked it he lied to me that it was something else but i always knew it cant be nothing but something of the EX and in the mail she also wrote how can u be with someone that has my first letter on his arm u like second places, and thats how i knew for sure so i asked i him about it and he didnt wanna give a right answer he was like: i did it for myself, and i was like nooo u did it for her didnt you, and it was a big discussion about that also.. so now i really dont know what to do and what not to do, last month(novemeber) i went away for some days to visit a girlfriend but it was outside Holland and so i didnt speak to him for a couple of days then he was like its crazy how much im missing u now i know u the one for me blblalbla and that he's mother wanna meet me and stuffs .., i really dont know what to think... i always said to myself never be with somebody that has a kid and the babymama but it did happend and if this dont work out, I will never ever ever ever be with somebody with a kid, sorry but its soooo much to handle, i cant do this .. im so in love but him its so hard to get out of it also? can u guys help me ..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): I had a very similar circumstance a few years back. My boyfriend has kids with another woman and when he and i started dating he was always going over to her house to see the kids... I didnt like it she was calling his phone all day every day. come to find out he was cheating on me. I guess he got a taste of his own medicine because she was pregnant, claimed it was his but it wasnt.... karma is a pain but i guess what goes around comes around. If he is making excuses of why he needs to go over there and he is telling her your personal business he is cheating... there is no reason why he needs to communicate with her or go over there kid or not... you need to keep your eyes open and she sounds like the same psycho childish biotch that i was dealing with too much freaking drama get out of that now while you can dont let him sweet talk you because if you let him get away with it now you will just be his door mat trust me he will start lying to you and telling you hes not calling her but check the cell phone bill and you will see. one time i set my phone to record and left it in his car and sure enough he was talking to her making plans... shes gonna tell you what hes doing to piss you off and he is gonna lie
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (6 December 2010):
 Your BF should be dealing with this problem. And your BF should be supporting you better by shielding you more effectively from his ex. Your BF would certainly appreciate that you are less abusive than his ex.
Try to never allow jealousy into your life. You hurt yourself when you stew and fester over jealousy. Stop it immediately. Only hurts you, and it is you doing the hurting by even thinking jealous thoughts. What is in the past should stay in the past.
Do all you can to remain the dignified one in all this. Don't abuse her. Don't become the nasty complaining Shrew that she is.
I would assign her email name as 'junkmail' so they never appear in the inbox. Don't open them, don't reply to them. Block her phone number on your mobile. You have nothing you need to say to her. The only reason she can phone your home is to speak to your BF. If she phones at home to your landline, put the phone down. Or better still get an answering machine so she can't get through without leaving a message.
Any message she leaves for you is not one you need to answer, nor reply to. Make it a rule that she only speak to your BF. She is his problem. Don't make her your problem. And don't delete her tirades on an answering machine as these might come into use if you ever feel your safety is threatened and have to go to Police about her abusive behavior.
I have to agree there is too much turmoil and drama to bring a child into this relationship. Why is your BF not taking responsibilty for contraception? Or why are you not on the pill for certainty? Your BF should want to aim for a calm settled life, not all this fighting. It is upsetting for children to witness and hear all this fighting. Why can't your BF work out a custody deal whereby he can have his two children spend a day at your place with you and him, and NO ex present, instead of dropping in to the ex daily? That seems excessive. I realise you love him. But there are aspects here where he needs to be more responsible and consider your feelings more often.
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A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (6 December 2010):
 Aw im soo sorry thats horrible! OK you need to talk to your bf! tell him how much it hurts it bothers you. Shes causing u to think hes cheating. SAVE ALL THE EMAILS!!! Make him understand. Dont let him right you. Off. tell him he has a choice. I know he has a kid with her. Im not saying like never see her. Im saying get her number from him call her on speaker with him being quiet and tell her who it is that she needs to accept that he has moved on. When he starts going off on u ur bf needs to get on the phone and in front of u tell her to stop emailng you and harrasing you. ALso block her email so she cant send u anything. Have him tell her that unless there is something wrong with his kid that she doesnt need to call him. No more personal calls!!! Tell him it makes u feel horrible. like he mite be cheating because of wat she says. If he makes excuses for her then dump him! there is no excuse for her. Let him no she doesnt need to know nething else about your guys relationship. If he cant do any of this..then you need out of the relationship. But give him a chance to handle it. Also maybe ask him if he can pick his son up after work and you guys can bond. HE doesnt need to be bonding with his x. only his son. so why cant you guys all do it together? Aftr all if ur the one for him you will have a family of his son too.
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