A
female
age
30-35,
*xxvickixxo
writes:I am constantly being told that I feel sorry for myself all the time from my boyfriend. I dont think I am like this, infact I would say I'm not at all. I hardly ever moan about things and when I do I save it kinda lol so it's like one big moan a month instead of 30 smaller ones!! I do feel a bit depressed at the moment though, and I know I have put on weight which to be honest really embarrasses me to the point that I will do anything to try and hide it but I dont think I'd really care if my boyfriend didn't call me a fat bastard half the time, the other half the time I hear it from my mum and dad. Last night my dad started laughing when I walked in and he said he thought it was my uncle coming in who is about 22st and I am not even half that, my family seem to try and humiliate me at every chance!! But anyway.. According to my boyfriend, all I do is moan and feel sorry for myself by saying oh I'm so fat (Not true, I might brekdown in tears when he calls me fat but not once have I ever complained about my weight to him. Or when I say nobody likes me (again not true, I couldn't care less if I only have one person I would consider a friend) The thing is though since being with him, both our personalitites have totally changed. I have became a lot more shy and reclusive and he has became a total idiot. I hate him for everything that he puts me through yet I cant leave him for fear of being alone.I think that might be why I am still with him after he has done so much to me both mentally and physically. he has punched me in the face, stabbed me with a fork, locked me in his house. but I don';t leave him, I know that I should but I just cant seem to do it. The thing is he is basically the only person that I have ever truly loved, even now I can still look at him and think that I love him but I think he has just trapped me, he always acts so apologetic about things afterwards and turns the blame around to me for our arguing when I know its not my fault but I listen and I apologise to him anyway, its easier that way.. Sad i know. Anyway, I just don't really know what to do. I feel like I am trapped and I am just looking for some advice on what to do.. thanks
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female
reader, Faybelline +, writes (2 October 2008):
 You need to get out of that relationship for a start. He is putting you down and destroying your self confidence and self worth.
We've all been worried about being lonely and stayed with someone for all the wrong reasons, but once you break up and started being yourself again you wonder why you were ever worried in the first place and how you managed to be so reliant on one person for so long.
The longer you're with him, the harder it will be to break free; he'll break your confidence so much that you'll think no one else will have you when, in fact, there are probably loads of guys who would love to be with you and who would treat you like you deserve to be treated.
You can do it; you just need to respect and love yourself and realise you don't need people like him because you're better than that.
A
female
reader, Kayleigh K +, writes (2 October 2008):
 I know exactly how you feel, and I know how frustrating it is to clearly see the wrongness of the physical and emotional abuse your going through, yet still agree with your partner that its your own fault when you know farewell that it isnt.
The way that he is causing you to feel is making you more needy and dependent on him, and dispite if he says otherwise I expect that this is exactly what he wants.
This treatment he gives you probably causes your desperate need for the 'addictive fixes' of the occasional love he gives you. He seems to hold the power to you feeling amazing and horrid.
You know you have to walk away as it is the only way for him to acknowledge what hes lost, and the only way for him to reflect on his behaviour and put a stop to it.
Additionally why don't you think bigger and work up some good savings to splash out on a break away from your problems. It may help you clear your head and move on.
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