A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been married for 3 years and before that were together for 5 years. I hate having sex. Sex to me is painful, a waste of time, and unfulfilling. Basically the only reason I do it lately is to make my husband happy (and we don't do it very often). I have noticed that the only time I can really enjoy sex is if I am drunk. A little background info: He was my first and only. I have never had sex with anyone else. I tried once with my boyfriend at the time when I was 16 but never went through with it. At first I think I kinda enjoyed having sex, but still my husband could tell that I never really wanted it because I wouldn't initiate the first move. After a while I started wanting it less and less, which probably caused my husband to cheat on me. Gradually throughout the years, I have become more turned off by the mere thought of sex and all things related (e.g., oral sex, foreplay, even as simple as necking and kissing). I don't even liked to be touched in a manner that could result in sexual contact. Basically, I could be happy if I wasn't touched at all. I try to avoid anything that could possibly lead to sex and have probably gave my husband the idea that I don't love him anymore. I love him more than life itself, but the concept of sex has me feeling really sick inside. We had our first child together and trust me, I was surprised to find out I was even pregnant because we just weren't having sex hardly at all. My husband has continued to be frustrated with the fact that we are not having sex as much as he would like. He tells me that he is frustrated but has learned to live with it the fact that our sex life is scarce. And for some reason, I believe our little-to-nonexistent sex life is eventually going to destroy our relationship. I am at my wits end and am not sure what to do. I have read about sex disorders and problems with a low libido, but still I don't know what to do, where to go for help, or even if my problem can be fixed. I am afraid my husband will eventually get fed up with me, move on, or cheat on me again (if he hasn't already). That is the last thing I want to happen. Help me please!!!
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drunk, foreplay, kissing, libido, move on, oral sex, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): I don't masturbate at all, but I use to. Just never felt like I needed to do it once I got in a relationship. And now I am just disinterested in pleasing myself and maybe a little lazy. I have had an orgasm before with my husband and by masturbation. Don't get me wrong, orgasms feel great, its just the prelude to the orgasm that I hate.
A
female
reader, marla +, writes (19 June 2009):
Okay Id like to say i us to be the same way.I hated sex.It wasnt anything i looked forward to but i did it for him.Then we had 3 kids well i got more into my kids life taking care of them etc.Dont make the mistake i did.My husband cheated on me for a year because he said i wouldnt have sex with him as often as he wanted.Now my life is turned upside down witn guilt but i know its not my fault he was weak and went with a woman 10 years oler than me to get satisfied and plus still coming home to me practically forcing me to have sex.I wish i had my eyes open but i trusted him i never thought hed cheat but sex is more important to them than you or their kids.He will cheat on you eventally.Id be very suspicious if he acts like it dont bother him.Watch out.Maybe talk to your doctor about the sex thing.and ask your husband is he having an affair or trying to.I told my husband if he ever did he woulnt ever touch me agan but he says he ddnt hear that part.Now our sex life is better and i dont know how i can let him touch me but i do.Please be careful.
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A
male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (19 June 2009):
 See your doctor for a referral to an appropriate specialist as your problem cannot be solved through an advice line. Intimacy and physical contact for men is absolutely essential to a healthy and loving relationship it helps them feel loved and allows them to reconnect with their partners at an emotional level.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): Asexual, your properly asexual. Look it up
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (19 June 2009):
 Try looking for a sex therapist in your area, and also consider a physical. It could be a low hormone level (which can be fixed by the Pill or other medication) or you could have some deeper underlying issues that are best addressed by a sex therapist.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Hannan  +, writes (19 June 2009):
Dear,this ll tear ur marriage.C a doctor nd explain everythin.C a marriage counsellor as wel.Pls do dis as fast as possible if u want 2 save ur marriage.U can search d web 4 experts in d dis type of situation around ur area
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A
female
reader, alishamarie08 +, writes (19 June 2009):
You could try to get on the pill it would boost your estrogen which might get you a little more excited about sex!
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