A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I have a problem: i cant trust people. I have several reasons for this, many things have happened over the years and i think its quite normal that after all of this i dont have confidence in no one except God, not even in me.1. My father took us out of our country, away from my family when i was 6 years old and then abandoned us with a stack of money that he had stolen from us. Left us here like we were nothing. Then 5 years later he came back to see me, out of the blue... and he told me i was his favourite daughter and stuff like that... later, i found out he had tried to sell the house the my mother and i live in now and dump us on the street... I broke all contact with him after that.2. I had a boyfriend when i was 15, and i think its important for you to know that he was 26... he told me to do stuff for him on webcam, and I (because i was scared he'd leave me otherwise) did it... i trusted him,,, and a few weeks later he told me that he had taken pictures of me............ my heart sank into the ground, i didnt think he would do something like that. However our relationship continued for 8 months and he was busy with work in the last 6 months, but whenever he DID come online, he was talking to other people rather than me, and whenever we did talk he told me to do things... He was taking me for granted really... and so i thought: well if he's gonna talk to girls, then im gonna talk to other boys too! I met 4 guys, 3 of which at the time became my brothers, and one whom i fell in love with, but thats another story... 3. My friends did not agree with me and my 26-year-old bf... at the time i didnt understand, but now i do... believe me ive learned my lesson... however, one of my "friends" started a big fight on facebook one day about my relationship with this guy, and it went on for a whole day... later on, i found out that she had sent him a msg saying she wanted to f*** him and things like that. But i believe he was even considering doing so... When i broke up with him he threatened me with you-know-what, but to this day i havent seen any of those pictures again and GOD WILLING i never will...4. I left my "bad romance" and i got together with this new guy i met, because he just seemed a lot better... although i met him on the internet i trusted him so much more. But there were so many problems with him... he had an accident, by which he got into a coma 3 times and almost died, he had his father, who didnt accept me... he made me dump the 3 best friends i had (boys) and he faked an accident to make me do so... his mother told me i was a bad person for making her son sad everytime we had a fight, telling me how i needed to change for him... oh, i changed alright! I became muslim because of him (which i do not regret to this day, and please do not judge me on this :/ ). When i told him i wanted my friends back, he went crazy... and i was like "uhoh,, this guy isnt who i thought he was..." however i got 1 of my best friends back, who is now my boyfriend, but thats another story! :) There was at least 1 best friend whom i never talked to again and the other one was very cruel in words with me when i talked to him. He took me back as a contact, but then dumped me again... which makes me quite sad, i still beat myself up for getting rid of my friends for a prick like my ex. However, all in all, everything that this manipulative bf told me was a lie! from beginning til end.5. I have been taught from very young, by my mother that i should trust no man...So after the not so many times that ive been betrayed... but have been betrayed DEEPLY, i have now got a trauma, and im only 16... im scared of the world,, im scared of girls, im scared of boys, im scared to get hurt... I trust my current boyfriend, but there is always this tiny piece of fear that NEVER EVER goes away, even though he has NEVER given me a reason not to trust him... i dont want to ruin my relationships with paranoia! please help me! Any answers will be appreciatedPS. i have made many mistakes, i know...
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best friend, broke up, confidence, facebook, fell in love, money, muslim, my ex, the internet Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2011): Okay basically your father fried your traction switches he made them faulty. So your 10 perfect guy is your father and you seek out these same characteristics in your boyfriends. So instead of going for guys that you find extremely sexually attractive your tens go for the fives because they're probably going to be a normal guy. And this guy you're seeing right now he sounds like a copy of your father. Oh yeah and when you do find a normal guy realize that you're going to try and sabotage the relationship because there is not enough chaos don't do that. if you can I think you should get therapy that should help you out.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 I think the most disconcerting thing is that people say one thing and do another. Even normal people without past trauma do that. To love is to accept that for whatever reason there is a possibility the relationship is going to end one day. Your mom is right about not trusting anyone but that also means not opening yourself to love. Take it one day at a time and trust each single moment because you don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. For example if a guy says he loves you then just enjoy it the moment he says it and don't get disappointed if he doesn't say it he next day.
Your current boyfriend sounds like a good guy. He can try to understand your fears but you must never treat him like a counselor. I had panic attacks (crying spells followed by a catatonic state) before and all I wanted was a hug from my boyfriend but I knew how much my emotions drained him. It takes hard effort to realize my boyfriend is not the cause of my paranoia. Time will heal. Your early life has taught you what you don't want in life. Now you have to figure out what you do want in life. The things you focus on you tend to get so it will be wiser to stay positive.
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