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female
,
anonymous
writes: well . i'm young .. and i guess not that bad looking . but the thing is , when i hang out with all my friends and guys , all the guys pay more attention to my friends because my friends are so outgoing ; but not in a way i would like to be . they drink and hook up with everyone , including other girls .. and i don't want to sound mean but they're not that nice looking either. my other friends say that i'm prettier than them , and they just want to get with them for bad reasons but that's hard to believe when i'm around them because i'm just not like them. since i don't do the things they do .. the guys barely even notice me and it makes me have 0 confidence in myself. sometimes they even talk to me to get with my friends . i'd just really like some advice so i can finally get noticed .
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (22 July 2006):
 Honey, if you want to get noticed, start hanging out with people who accept you just the way you are. You sound like a very likeable person who can attract equally likeable people who are worthy of your friendship.
As you may have already surmised, getting laid is not the key to finding the greatest love of all, which is the love of oneself. Fortunately, you are closer to achieving that love than any of your "friends".
Once you start showing that you have respect and love for yourself (i.e. you are comfortable in your own skin) people notice it and want to be with you. Why? Partly because you're just comfortable to be around, partly because they admire you for having your shit together, and partly because they want to feel that love too.
So work on the greatest love of all, and you'll find that yearning for a date will no longer be a problem. Good luck and take care.
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (22 July 2006):
Honey, if you want to get noticed, start hanging out with people who accept you just the way you are. You sound like a very likeable person who can attract equally likeable people who are /Bworthy/b of your friendship.
As you may have already surmised, getting laid is not the key to finding the greatest love of all, which is the love of oneself. Fortunately, you are closer to achieving that love than any of your "friends".
Once you start showing that you have respect and love for yourself (i.e. you are comfortable in your own skin) people notice it and want to be with you. Why? Partly because you're just comfortable to be around, partly because they admire you for having your shit together, and partly because they want to feel that love too.
So work on the greatest love of all, and you'll find that yearning for a date will no longer be a problem. Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, snowbird +, writes (22 July 2006):
 Get some other friends!!!
You should (and probably do, underneath) have more confidence than them, and the guys are just going with them because they are EASY, and, it sounds, desperate!! You have something better, but not so obvious! You are probably the kind of girl with more self-respect, who a guy has to work a little harder to get, but is worth the effort - a keeper, someone to build a lasting relationship with.
You don't have to be like your friends. Try mixing with people who are more like yourself, and going to places where the fun is not all alcohol-fuelled. I'm not saying go to the local museum and pick up some professor covered in cobwebs, but try a sports club, or learn a language, or some other new interests where people are using their brains, and not just looking for an easy pick-up! I feel certain that you will meet someone very special who will value you and want to build a long-term relationship - long after your friends have burnt themselves - and their reputations - out!
Please forgive me, I had no intentions of insulting your friends, and I do apologise if I am overstepping the mark or barking up the wrong tree, but by 'hooking up' I take it that they are having sex indiscriminately, if I am wrong please forgive me!! But it does seem from your letter as though you are nevertheless mixing with the wrong kind of people for you. I hope this helps :o)
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A
female
reader, kat14  +, writes (22 July 2006):
 im in the same situation i too hang out in a group sometimes and because im not a slut like most of them and dont do drugs its hard 2 b noticed.
I started talking 2 one guy online 2 get 2 know him better just be urself if they dont notice u then they arent serious just after sex or something so ur best without them as u'll only get hurt.
complimenting people always seems 2 get their attenttion too.
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