A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've never really done this relationship advice thingies but it couldn't hurt right? Ok we'll here's the deal. A few nights ago, I slept with my "supposed straight" friend when he was drunk. I didn't force him into anything and asked him if this is what he wanted. And so after sex we cuddled in my bed for about an hour. And then he told me he wanted to try it again when he was sober. That was Monday night. I've been texting him ever since and he hasn't responded. He also has a girlfriend, and I don't know what to do. I haven't been I. This situation before. Any advice other than giving him space?
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (19 January 2013):
Give him space.
Maybe when he sobered up he realised he’d made a big mistake. Not only has he cheated on his girlfriend, but maybe he’s now asking himself all kinds of questions about his own sexuality. He may be feeling a whole range of emotions: shame, confusion, anger, intrigue, bewilderment, sadness, all kinds of things. Sadly there’s no way of knowing for sure if your friendship’s damaged irreparably but for now just leave him alone. Perhaps offer him the chance to talk if he wants and then keep your distance and let him come to you if he wants.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2013): My guess is he isn't responding because he has changed his mind about wanting to try again, and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. I think it's also safe to assume the fact he has a girlfriend is also part of the reason he hasn't contacted you. He cheated on her with you, and probably feels guilty as hell about it. He was drunk at the time, and everyone knows too much alcohol impairs your judgement. He made a mistake, and now he just wants to forget about it and move on.
So yes, give him space. If he wants you, he'll certainly contact you. If not, let him be.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (18 January 2013):
If you don't understand what's going on here than you have a lot to learn about people.
First of all, he's sexually confused. Second, he cheated on his girlfriend with a dude.
When people cheat they often shun the other person for fear of getting caught. But getting caught with another girl is one thing, but a guy? He's obviously not ready for that.
You sent him a text. Assuming he didn't black out he knows what happened, knows you're interested and knows where to find you. Respect the fact that he may need to figure some things out right now.
You asked for advice other than "space" but that's the best thing right now for both of you. If you push contact with him you risk reprocussions depending on how open minded he is about the experience. At the very least you'll upset him. If you're patient he come around if that's what he wants.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2013): Giving him space is all you can do. He's found out he's not as straight as he thinks, or he realised he made a big mistake when he was sober. Either way, a lot to deal with, on top of the fact he cheated on his girlfriend and should be feeling some guilt! He is going to need a lot of time to think. He might not be able to face seeing you for quite some time, if ever.
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