A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I went to one of my friend's birthday party and there was a guy that I had a thing with. We don't really know each other but had a few talk at couple of parties. He was actually one of the guys who threw the party. Anyways, that was actually my last party cuz I had to leave my country in 3 days. So I got a little drunk and smoked some weed. After that him and I started talking in his room and he kicked everyone out. He was kinda cute and finally I slept with him. The thing is I was a virgin and I lied to him about it until the last minute. He was kinda surprised to hear that cuz I acted like I've had sex 100 times or something. I only acted that way because I didn't want him to think of me as a prude or something. Anyways, I thought it was the last time I would see him ever. But I met him the next day at another party. It was not planned for me but my friends insisted so I went there, and BAM! He was there. I thought I would be cool with him but the moment I saw him, my heart started chasing. He seemed surprised a little but we said hi and acted as if nothing happened. But still I couldn't stand the awkwardness so I left early. And now I'm in a different country, thousands of miles away from him. But I can't get him out of my mind. I think it's because he was the first man I ever had sex with but what the hell should I do to forget about him and move on with my life? + I just sent him a msg that says 'hey' on facebook and I feel awful. I don't wanna sound clingy or anything. It's not like I wanna date him or something but I just can't forget about him and what happened that night. Maybe because I was a virgin. Worst part is he doesn't seem to care at all. I feel like part of me wants him to care. I feel like such an idiot...
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 February 2012):
 I'm so sorry you are in this situation.
I think the best thing to do is chalk it up to experience and move on with your life.
He will be in your head forever but over time it will fade to a soft memory.... not something that is plaguing you 24/7
You will for a while go to sleep thinking of him and wake up thinking of him.
you will think of him in the shower and on the drive to school/work... he will be in your head 24/7...
then one day you will wake up and won't think about him till the shower...
then one day it will be not till breakfast
then one day it will be not till the car/bus ride to your daily job/school...
then one day it will be at lunch
till one night you will lay down in bed and think of him and REALIZE you have not thought of him all day....
this is healing... this is slow and painful and I know this because I've BTDT... I was NOT a virgin when it happened.. I was a divorced mom of two but the man made an impact on me....
then the day will come that you don't think of him every day... but he will always have a spot in your brain and your heart....
and use the experience to grow and learn...
it's part of you now and it will shape who you become... use it well.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2012): You slept with someone you hardly know - he's not going to care that much. I don't want to sound harsh but you are putting your emotional reaction to the special issue of losing your virginity onto this guy. Of course you won't forget your first time. But I'd forget him. He may well contact you, but in future, if you don't want to be hurt - have more of a relationship going before you become intimate.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2012): If you have casual sex then you are going to get treated like a casual sex partner afterwards. There's nothing else to do. Chalk it up to bad decision making and move on.
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