A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My story is going to sound like an odd one. Like most of these kind of stories are about coming out as gay, or worrying that they might be gay. Well it is the opposite for me. I'm worried that I am straight. I am 16, and a bit confused. I have always known I was a lesbian. Male genitals have never turned me on. I've always been in love with girls. I'm not a "masculine" lesbian. In fact, you would probably not guess that I am. I come from quite an accepting school. I came out to my best friend first and she just hugged me and said, "I know". When I fully came out, I said I was worried, and everyone asked me why. I said because I was a lesbian and they all said, "so what?" So I'm not really worried about that. At this point id like to point out that i am not in a relationship. I have a close male friend who was over at my house the other day, we were doing sociology revision if I remember correctly. We were revising relationships and gay rights. I asked him if he knew that I was gay before I came out. He said he didn't. And I asked him why, which was the biggest mistake I have ever made, because he said, "Because of I'd have known, I wouldn't have fallen in love with you." Now this was a big shock to me because I thought everyone knew I was gay before I came out. This means he surely couldn't have told anyone because they would have told him why he didn't have a chance. I was a bit taken aback. I paused for a moment before I looked at him and said, "Well I'll always love you, I'm just a bit too gay for you."He laughed and took my phone and took a photo of me. I jumped on him and tried to wrestle it off him. We were rolling around on my bed and I finally got it off him. We stopped and were both a bit breathless. I don't know why I did the next thing because, you know, I'm a little bit gay, but it felt right and I don't regret it one bit. I kissed him. I've never kissed or been kissed before. He pulled away and whispered, "But.... You're gay?"And I said to him, "It feels right though. I wouldn't have done it otherwise.""But you like girls?""I don't think it matters. I liked it."He sat up and I explained that I thought it didn't matter. People can love each other in the strangest circumstances. My uncle is engaged to a lovely Irish man. They were friends for ages, however, the Irish man is a devout catholic, and they don't have a very good opinion towards gays. But they fell in love anyway. I think if my uncle hasn't been there, then he would have been going out with his previous girlfriend still. When I had finished, I leaned over and kissed him again. This time he didn't stop me. We rolled onto my bed and made out (GOD I hate that phrase). We kissed for a long time, and unlike with other boys who frankly repulsed me, I was completely aroused. I began to unbutton his shirt and he paused for a moment. I knew what he was thinking, (that I was gay), I pleaded with him not to stop, I told him I wanted this to happen. I could see in his eyes he wanted too but didn't want to do anything I would regret later. I begged him and he asked me of I was sure, and I was. If i had been with a chick then i probably would have stopped things by now. He continued to kiss me. I removed his shirt from him and unbuttoned his trousers, at which point he removed my tshirt and unhooked my bra. I continued to kiss him until we were fully undressed. I stopped him for a moment, as he was taking the condom out of its packet. I asked him if he'd ever been with a girl like this before and he said no, which surprised me because he is a big flirt. I was a virgin too. I told him to leave the condom. (I have an implant as I struggle with heavy periods, but I could never keep up with the pill) And we made love to each other. He stayed with me overnight. (Like a sleepover. My pArents know I am gay, they never suspected anything), and in the morning we were intimate again. Was this inevitable? Does this mean that I am straight. I have never been attracted to a guy before. Do you think it is possible for my heart to have made an exception for him, because we are so close? I don't regret any of what we did. I wanted it to happen. I think i love him. I am so comfortable around him, like I said. I would never have let it go that far with a girl. I'm so confused. I never imagined I would loose my first kiss or virginity to a boy. Please help!
View related questions:
best friend, condom, engaged, fell in love, flirt, lesbian, lost my virginity, period, the pill Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (6 November 2012):
 you may not be gay
you may be bi
you may be gay
you may be straight
at 16 it's kind of hard to know... being flexible is fine.
My brother is gay. he dated girls at your age and even had sex with one or two... nope not there for him he is not bi or straight... he's gay. and that's fine.
I'm bi but I choose to live now with a male husband.... forsaking all others... and I'm ok with that... I'd give up men for him so I give up women too.
stop trying to label yourself and just enjoy life a bit.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): I don't think it was inevitable, but I think that it happened because you are so close. He developed love for you, as you did for him.
I don't like sexuality labels. Such as straight, gay, bi etc. I wish we could live in a world were there were no words, where instead of everyone jumping to conclusions that you are dating the opposite sex, they ask you. But we don't.
I believe that your sexuality doesn't determine who you fall in love with. He loves you and you quite clearly love him, you feel comfortable around him, you know him, he respects you, as you said he made sure you wanted to sleep together before you did, he didn't want to do something you'd regret. You probably love him more than a girl, because you said you wouldn't have gone that far with a girl. Subconsciously you might want to be with him, regardless of being gay. This might make you bisexual but I don't think one love with a guy amongst the feelings for girls makes you bi. I just makes you in love with a dude.
I think you did the right thing by sleeping together, which sounds a little weird. You have obviously just realised your feelings for him because if he hadn't told you he loved you, you wouldn't have thought anything of it, but you kissed him and it felt right. You used the term "made love" instead of had sex which gives the impression that you love him. You expressed your love for him by sleeping with him, and he didn't ditch you straight after that, which shows he cares about you. I think you need to talk to him about it. You quite clearly love each other, emotionally, mentally and now physically. Sex connects two people, and you are as connected as you can get to him now. You lost your virginity to him which has to mean something. I have a feeling he might have been saving his virginity for you, before you came out.
I don't think you need to come out as straight, because I don't think you are. I think you will end up in a relationship with him. You are perfect together. You can't control who you love. Maybe you've had slight feelings for a while and when he confessed his feelings, which he was obviously going to keep quiet for your sake, but didn't feel he could lie to you, something clicked and your heart just went "Of Course!!"
If you do end up in a relationship with him, just introduce him to you parents as your boyfriend. They don't need to know anymore than that. If they ask then tell them you love him. If they are concerned it is just a mental and romantic attraction, tell them you made love. (Not had sex, made love to each other.) and that you wanted to.
You obviously have a connection which defies sexuality. He seems better than any girl you could have sex with because you didn't try to stop it.
Good luck!
Xx
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): "I had sex with a boy and lost my virginity. Does that mean I am straight?"
No, it means you were intimate with a close male friend and so you are no longer a virgin.
You were responding to him as a person and not as possessor of male gentitalia.
He didn't have sex with you as a possessor of female gentitalia, he made love to you as a person.
"People can love each other in the strangest circumstances."
I believe you've got it. If he was simply a classmate and not a close friend harboring a crush, nothing would have happened.
However, I also believe sexuality and orientation is a bit more complex that straight/gay/bi. Thise who identify as "gay" can be aroused by and respond to the opposite sex in certain situations and circumstances, and those who identify as "straight" can be aroused by and respond to the same sex in certain situations and circumstances.
"Do you think it is possible for my heart to have made an exception for him, because we are so close? I don't regret any of what we did. I wanted it to happen. I think i love him. I am so comfortable around him, like I said. I would never have let it go that far with a girl."
I believe you've got it again, I'd say 95% probablility that's exactly what happened (and maybe your guy friend's male ego led him to think he convince you to change teams).
"I'm so confused. I never imagined I would loose my first kiss or virginity to a boy. Please help!"
Nothing to be confused about, and no advice I can offer on top of your spot-on insightful analysis. I would suggest you refrain from further intimacy with this guy, though; one lesson I hopefully can pass on from experience is that lovers and bedmates come and go, but close friends are forever and if you make two or three close friends in your lifetime, then you will be very fortunate indeed.
You already have one, let this be a one-time-only thing that will only serve to deepen a valuable, hopefully lifelong, friendship.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): You're still so young, maybe you were just going through the 'gay' phase, that a lot of people experience.
If you have feelings for this boy, and were able to become intimate with him, I would say that you may be bi-sexual?
Love comes down to the person, not their gender.
...............................
|
