A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met my husband when I was 19 and we were best friends. He is a funny, kind, lovely guy who always treated me well. Three years ago I began a new job and started an affair with a man who had quite a reputation as a womaniser. Our affair was very passionate, not something I had ever felt with my husband really. I left my husband and the other man left his girlfriend. I didn't want to be honest about it to my husband as I didn't want to hurt him, the other guy thought I wasn't committing to him and started to mess me around. I let him mess me around for a long time, over a year before I finally finished it and found out he was seeing someone else where I work. Initially after our split my husband and I were still friendly and he wanted us to give it another try but I couldn't as I was still thinking about the man I had the affair with. Eventually my husband met another woman and she is now pregnant with his child. I miss my husband so much as I've never met anyone who made me laugh so much. I feel like I've been totally shallow and thrown away the best thing I had in my life. I miss my husband all the time and we don't speak at all now. He is still friendly with all my friends and I find that hard too. I can't seem to move on and I guess I think I'm getting what I deserve. I can't imagine ever being happy again with another person. I'm now 31 and most of my friends are beginning to have children. I guess I'm worrying all the time that that's it, I had my chance of happiness and I blew it. A lot of the time I don't see any point to anything when I haven't got my husband to share things with. I just want to move on and be happy with myself as a person as I know self-pity is not an attractive quality. I just don't know how to do it. Any suggestions?
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affair, best friend, move on, womaniser Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, agony_uncle_r +, writes (17 February 2007):
dont tell your husband anything, dont talk to him ever again. hes finally met someone whos made him happy, who hes raising a child with and who will hopefully respect him more than you ever did.
you got what you deserved for lying and cheating.
all i can say is i hope youve learned from this so that when the next man (and there will be one in time, you just need to pick yourself up )comes along you'll treat him with respect and will be faithfull and honest to him
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2007): that is quite a problem. i suggest u come clean to your husband if possible. tell him how u feel and whats happend. make sure he knows he is under no pressure and go to him as a friend and as his advice on what you should do. i agree u should seek professional help and find a way to overcome this.rely on family and friends to help u. u must get rid of this burden of your husband clouding over you before you seek out your new man. you will find someone else eventually. make sure u are not tryn to find someone identical to your husband, you wont find him. there are plenty men out there who will treat you right, if you give them the chance you will grow to like them too. there wil b plenty of people feeling the same way you are, try the newpapers, the internet, agencys or good old fashion getting out to the scene to find someone. good luck hope this helped
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2007): You are still married to you Husband and he is out having a baby with another woman? There was no divorce? That is odd.
He isn't yours, plain and simple. Yes you blew it with him but this does not mean you have no second chances at having happiness with someone who you can love and respect and value as an equal and with someone who will do this for you as well.
I say learn from this lesson and stop idealizing what could have been as...it wasn't and won't be.
I suggest seeking some therapy to root out why having an affair would be a reasonable choice to make and also to address why you are attaching so much meaning onto something that is over.
Heal and deal and don't make the same mistake.
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (16 February 2007):
You only started to miss your husband when he met another woman. You were not botherd before. Why is that ?
I wouldnt bother worrying, i am sure you will meet someone eventually. At least your husband has met a woman hes going to have a child with, just hope she loves him and treats him better than you did.
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