A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I had a lumpectomy 1-1/2 years ago and now one breast is about a cup size smaller and somewhat distorted. Partly I'm okay with it because I think of it as a symbol of life. Another part of me is feeling nervous that a guy would be turned off when it comes to intimacy. What is the honest truth with that? I'd like to think it wouldn't matter if he loves me. Please advise. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 October 2010):
 I think if you have developed a relationship with the guy and he's there because he likes YOU, not just your body, I'll bet you will have no problems. Very few of us get through life without scars, dings, physical changes, saggy bits, wrinkles, what have you.
The key is that you don't let it destroy your confidence or your pleasure in your own body or sharing it with another person.
Obviously, I'm not a guy, I can't speak to their individual reactions to finding out the woman they are about to go to bed with isn't 100% physically perfect. But I do know a number of women who have gone through lumpectomies, mastectomies, double mastectomies, and you know what? Their men are sticking around. Obviously, the breast does NOT make the woman.
Be proud of your survivor status and think of your smaller breast as just as deserving of love and attention as the other one. Do NOT under any circumstances apologize for the state of that breast. It is beautiful just as it is.
I hope you continue to enjoy good health!
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (1 October 2010):
Yeah, if he loves you that can make a lot of difference. You may benefit from reading the thread, "Do guys get surprised when the see what the breasts are shaped like without the bra?" at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-guys-get-surprised-when-the-see-what.html .
My wife (of 36 years) was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a full mastectomy on one side almost a year ago. After discussion, thought, and consultations with doctors we have decided against doing reconstruction. I suspect that seeing her with only one breast is a lot more shocking than seeing mismatched breasts. There isn't even a nipple on the flat side!
She doesn't look at all ugly due to the missing breast, but she certainly doesn't look "right". I don't think it has affected either my desire for, or our frequency of lovemaking. I still fondle and caress the flat side, though she says there's very little sensation there. Yes, the side with the intact breast gets a LOT more attention, and I enjoy it a lot more than the flat side.
She was always small-breasted: about 34-A (on a 5'9, 135 lb frame) and her bust was never really the primary part of her self-identity. She went braless much of the time; now she evaluates clothes as those she can wear without the prosthesis bra, and those that require the fake boob. (I'd actually be pleased to have her go entirely without the prosthesis - regardless of what she's wearing.)
If I were you I wouldn't worry about your condition until you were actually getting naked with a guy you truly care for. Until then just let him know that you're a cancer survivor, and answer any questions he has, but don't force a conversation on the topic. When the clothes come off you can point out, matter-of-factly, that you're a little deformed but that's what cancer does to you. Then let the topic drop, unless he asks about it. (Feel free to say, "I'm not comfortable discussing that." if that is the case.)
I'll give you 50/50 odds that he'll be at least curious, if not genuinely interested in what you experienced - but afraid to mention it. By voluntarily starting the conversation you are helping him avoid embarrassment, and you're telling him something about your character.
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