A
female
age
30-35,
*il_dreamer
writes:So i really need advice because i dont kno if i should lose my virginity right now to this guy..he just got his license! and he plans on having sex. we are not together, but we have been friends for over a year and our relationship has been purely sexual, even tho im a virgin. deep inside, i dont think i should cuz i think the only thing he wants is sex. but at the same time, I REEEEEAALLLY want to have sex with him cuz im sooooooo damn attracted like its not even funny. he reminds me of a celebrity i was obsessed with while growing up. imagine if the hottest guy you loved watchin on tv, was ur friend and u talk to him all the time. u know how hard that is not to just jump on him? haha but im really into him too. he's very smart, funny, talented. he's perfect. the only problem is that he really wants sex. when i asked him if he would actually f__k any decent girl, he was ''probably'' he just loves the ladies and he even cheated on some before. he cheated on one of them WITH me =/ he probably doesn't feel the same way i feel about him even tho he says he really wants me..but i think he only wants to get in my pants..he IS a good guy but i dont know if i should lose it to him and i have no idea what to say to him when he's gonna ask to make plans soon..im incredibly attracted to him but i dont want to do something i'll regret and get hurt by cuz it will hurt me to see him try to get with someone else or flirt with other girls..but its so hard to say no when he's gonna text to hang out soon. im expecting u guys to tell me not to have sex with him but i really need to hear great advice that it will stick in my head and something to remember when talkin to him..cuz like i said, its really hard to say no to him
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): having sex with him will probably be the best feeling ever while your doing it with him....and then later when he leaves you and goes and has sex with other girls it will be the worst.... and thats like 100 times worst then the 'best feeling' and then youll feel hurt and used and torn apart and lost and lonely and probably have a really low self esteem and hate yourself.so dont do it.relationship before sex!
A
male
reader, Kevin33  +, writes (7 February 2009):
Hey! To tell you the truth, I was head over heels for my girlfriend. I was at the stage where I wanted to have sex yet she didn't. There was so much more to it for us. At first she wanted to wait until marriage and I was totally for this because she meant so much. This was 5 years ago. I am now 23 and she is 21. It wasn't until after 1 and a half years that we became so in love that we experienced it. What I'm trying to say is that it should be a special thing. A special bond between you and someone else and trust me you dont want to regret it. It sounds to me like deep in side, the reason why you are asking in the first place, is that you don't feel as though its right. There could be many reasons to this. Maybe you dont want him to vanish, or want something more from him. With this said, it sounds to me like this is all he wants from you. Friends with benefits. Just make sure you dont get hurt in the end. There are definitely guys out there who will care enough about it to respect you. It sounds like you are ready to have it, yet dont want to get hurt by this. Take my advice if u want and just let it sit for a while. The next time it comes up, tell him its something special to you.Thanks
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009): Wow you are 16 and you and this guy are a bundle of hormones.
What is it you wish to accomplish here, just the experience of having sex?
Have you considered the fact that he is using you. Have you considered the fact that he will brag to his buddies that he tagged you and then they will line up after him to try you on?
Have you considered the immediate loss of respect that you will have from him and others in your school?
Have you considered to possibility that you will be emotionally bonded to him and already are having had a sexual relationship with you, and for him there is no emotional attachment and he admits that he likes the ladies and loves to play around?
Have you considered that he is thinking of you as an object, something he can get off with, a warm thing but not a real girl with real emotions? He thinks you are a guy and exects you to behave like a guy.
Have you considered the possibility of contracting HPV the virus that leads to cervical cancer, being 16 puts you at extreme risk. And condoms do not protect you and it only takes one sexual partner to be at risk, not dozens.
Have you considered that you have not taken proper precautions to be sexually active? I doubt that you are on the pill, and condoms do break and have a fairly high failure rate. Are you ready to have a baby and support it and give up your teen years, all your friends and activities?
Have you considered that you can go take a cold shower or go pleasure yourself instead of doing this before you are ready? Yes, people do it all of the time....
Have you considered that you are not valuing yourself and your most precious part of yourself by giving yourself to some guy because he is "hot", but he is not in love with you?
You would not be asking this question if you did not know deep down that you should not do this....as you said right here in your post.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (7 February 2009):
 Well you are expecting right and the rub here is because you know what we are going to say you already know the answer for yourself. Having your first time with this guy is unlikely to lead good places for you emotionally and will probably/most likely lead to you getting hurt. The thing is here hun you are lusting after the ideal and idea of this guy....
If you want something to stick in your head then I think you should contemplate the very likely reality of the heartache of finding this guy does not feel the same way/discards you/cheats on you which are all very possible and indeed likely outcomes. Being blunt you may well find that during the act itself the sex is amazing but think about the aftermath; the days and the weeks following it and the tears that will follow it. Hopefully that thought will keep you grounded :)x good luck x
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